Feeling crappy
I was feeling okay up until about 2 o'clock today. We went for a walk, stopped at a deli and got some yummy chicken sausages, had a nice lunch and then visited our neighbor downstairs.
We always call Cevyn after school (Ottawa is 2 hours ahead of us so we call between 1 and 2. Well we were having a good chat. She was concerned about getting her driver's license. She wants to take driver training after her 16th birthday next month. However, her dad realized it is $700 and apparently is not prepared to pay. So I got on the internet to double check - and it is that expensive. Joe heard us talking and began telling me to stay out of their business. I am upset because I wasn't interfering - I was trying to find out if there was a more affordable class that I could perhaps help pay for. At the very least, I can pay for her to get a learner's permit. But Joe kept telling me to drop it. As soon as I hung up, I began to cry. Joe said again that we should butt out. I told him that life was so much easier before Lisa died. After awhile he came in and gave me a hug and apologized. But my pleasant day was ruined. I can't get mad at him as I know he is grieving for Lisa and for his sister Susan. We are both fragile.
I know Lisa would want Cevyn to have proper driver education. I get so frustrated because Harvey blows money on himself and Beth. They redid their whole house, including expensive furniture and a huge custom built china cabinet - built in. Beth assured me that Cevyn would want for nothing. Well it seems to me she does want for something. Unless Harvey is going to surprise her on her birthday and pay for the lessons. We will see.
All I know is that it is so hard not knowing what is really going on there. Harvey never calls unless he wants something and Beth no longer chats when I call. I really believe that they would be much happier if I moved back to China for good.
The only positive is that Cevyn is coming here after school is out so we will have a bit of time with her. The majority of her time will be spent with Beth's family but she will be with us for a few days.
So tonight life sucks.
Thanks for being there so I can vent.
Lisa: I hope you are able to give Harvey a nudge - or kick in the head - whatever will make him guide Cevyn as you would like. I am finding it so very hard not having you there to talk to. You know how much I depended on those calls to keep me connected with you and Cevyn. I miss you always and love you forever. Mummy
We always call Cevyn after school (Ottawa is 2 hours ahead of us so we call between 1 and 2. Well we were having a good chat. She was concerned about getting her driver's license. She wants to take driver training after her 16th birthday next month. However, her dad realized it is $700 and apparently is not prepared to pay. So I got on the internet to double check - and it is that expensive. Joe heard us talking and began telling me to stay out of their business. I am upset because I wasn't interfering - I was trying to find out if there was a more affordable class that I could perhaps help pay for. At the very least, I can pay for her to get a learner's permit. But Joe kept telling me to drop it. As soon as I hung up, I began to cry. Joe said again that we should butt out. I told him that life was so much easier before Lisa died. After awhile he came in and gave me a hug and apologized. But my pleasant day was ruined. I can't get mad at him as I know he is grieving for Lisa and for his sister Susan. We are both fragile.
I know Lisa would want Cevyn to have proper driver education. I get so frustrated because Harvey blows money on himself and Beth. They redid their whole house, including expensive furniture and a huge custom built china cabinet - built in. Beth assured me that Cevyn would want for nothing. Well it seems to me she does want for something. Unless Harvey is going to surprise her on her birthday and pay for the lessons. We will see.
All I know is that it is so hard not knowing what is really going on there. Harvey never calls unless he wants something and Beth no longer chats when I call. I really believe that they would be much happier if I moved back to China for good.
The only positive is that Cevyn is coming here after school is out so we will have a bit of time with her. The majority of her time will be spent with Beth's family but she will be with us for a few days.
So tonight life sucks.
Thanks for being there so I can vent.
Lisa: I hope you are able to give Harvey a nudge - or kick in the head - whatever will make him guide Cevyn as you would like. I am finding it so very hard not having you there to talk to. You know how much I depended on those calls to keep me connected with you and Cevyn. I miss you always and love you forever. Mummy
Replies
I feel your frustration my friend. Kala\'s accident was caused when another driver changed lanes and in at attempt to not be hit, Kala swerved radically and lost control. Inexperience, for sure, but perhaps even a seasoned driver would have lost control... All I know is I believe in giving kids as much drivers education and practice time behind the wheel as possible. I wish all kids could go to an intensive driving school where they re-enact all sorts of scenarios. I\'m sure it makes a difference.
I don\'t have an answer for you...just rambling on I guess...
Heart hugs~~Teri.
I\'m voting for Lisa giving Harvey a kick in the head!
I so hear what you\'re saying. We\'re both at a point where we\'re doing mostly okay, even well, and then WHAM! What I am noticing is that three things have lingered more than some of the other thousands of emotions about losing Corrie. Confusion (What~ how the heck can Corrie not be here anymore????) Anger (What gives these losers the right to live when my precious Corrie who could be doing so much for the world is gone????) And Brittleness and Lack of Resilience (writing like Winnie the Pooh). Little things that before somehow we may not have liked much but were able to handle better. I know just what you mean.
In the US very often teenagers can get Driver\'s Ed in their high schools either for free or for a nominal amount. That sure would be handy for Cevyn!
Sending big tight hugs of comfort and understanding to you, Joe and Cevyn and lots of love as you each continue to make your way along this upsetting path ~ Debbie
p.s. No ~ no one would be better off with you in China! But, again, I soooo identify with your words and feelings! xoxo
It is so hard to know family boundaries. I can\'t imagine that Harvey would not want the best for his daughter, including safety! (If I have messed up relatives, it is because I am just getting to know you. I know who Cevyn is and Joe too.)
I hope tomorrow is a gentler day, (((hugs))),
Leda
Your intention is good and I hope too that she will get the proper driving education. So very difficult to know how to be supportive at times isn\'t it?
Glad you could come here and release your heart and know that it will be held gently. Deepest of sighs...
Loving care to you and I can only imagine how lovely your days with Cevyn will be.
Gentle hugs and love,
Joanie
I can see how frustrating that must be for you - you want the best for your Cevyn and know that Lisa would want the same. It must be so hard to watch these things from afar and not really be able to get too involved. How nice that you get to see her for a few days - maybe you will learn more about the situation at that point. Until then, hope things get a little easier for you ~ Joanna x
Life is hard, I know that if my son where alive his family would be raised differantly. Now the kids have two adults who give in to much, I want to guide Tara with the kids without being medelsome but how.......
I hope you get to spend joyous time with Cevyn.
Hugs Penny