Feeling Calm

I've been pretty quiet the last few days.  I haven't posted or replied as much here, have barely even posted a status on FB, and haven't talk as much in my day to day life.  I've said a lot and thought a lot over the past few weeks.  I've come to this place of calm acceptance of everything that came before.  I'm actually feeling thankful today that I went through so much hell over the past few years.  It all forced me to take a really close look at myself, one that I don't think I would have otherwise.  As my dad once told me, the good thing about hitting bottom is that unless you decide you like it there, the only other way to go is up.  What I am discovering is that I explored the bottom in great depth - held my breath, fought the undertow, clawed my way back through changing tides and forceful waves, tread water near the surface for a long time just taking quick intakes of air when I could manage it.  What I am discovering now is that throughout this long, hard process, I became a really strong swimmer that will continue to face difficulties, ups and downs, but now I know that I have that strength in myself.  For the first time, I trust myself to swim in this big ocean of life.   I find that I want to surround myself with those that can swim by my side, share the joys and the sorrows, without the weight of being their life preserver or them being mine as this is too heavy a load to carry without sinking.  My calm the last few days has been a blessing, that I am able to take a moment and just float on my back for a bit before I return to classes and refocus once again on my forward and upward progress.