Feeling better but only due to medication
About 1 month ago I was truly suicidal. I wanted nothing more than to be with my son. I was sort of obsessed with the idea. I just couldn't fathom living a life without him. I since have visited my physician and he gave me 2 different antidepressants and a tranquilizer. I'm feeling better, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. How can a person go from complete grief and pain, to feeling okay within a month. I understand the physiology of serotonin, but I'm scared about the medicine starting not to work, and feeling the overwhelming pain. I don't feel happy necessarily but I'm not in agony. My other son needs me to be present I have to work towards mental health, it's just a hard journey
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I also was on meds like this and Xanax all day. 15 yrs. ago my son Jesse was murdered, there was a trial, the 2 brothers who took his life, got natural life and no parole and an additional 25 yrs. for weapons and consp. I also had to go on for my son Justin who was 12 at the time. Well years of meds and I am off all of it. Then the unthinkable happened, I lost my Justin 4 yrs. ago to an accidental adverse drug reaction at 23 yrs. old. Well I went back on Lexapro no Xanax, I am okay but still feel lost and alone with out my kids. Stay on meds as long as you can, they do work and there for a reason. Good luck to you. XOX, Debbie
Thank you and I\'m so sorry for your loss and tragedy my heart really goes out to you. Thanks for the advice I was kind of leaning that way but feeling kind of weird about being on meds I\'m glad they have helped you too and again I am so sad about your losses we should never have to lose any of our children and you have lost two love to you
Chris
I so wish I could offer advice, but I took no meds,,,except motrin for my headaches... many moms here took and still take meds... I hope they can help you... I send my prayers and love...
We do what we need to do to survive. I am so glad you have found something to help you cope. This sorrow is tremendous and life is altered but not over. Take good care of yourself and your younger son will benefit too. Love and heartfelt hugs..Karen
As mothers who have lost a child/ children we seem to go through debilatating feelings of guilt. The should haves.....the could haves.....can drive us crazy. The last thing we need in our life now, is guilt over taking care of ourself. What it takes may be different for each of us. Even just trying to figure out what can be helpful is a difficult journey in itself. If we find that medication helps us then ok. If we are making it ok without medication that\'s ok too. The important thing is safe & effective self care, whether that includes medication or not, is personal. The beauty of \"For Moms Only\" is non judgmental support for others. We may choose one way of healing while others choose another way, yet all is respected. Do what feels right for you and you will still be loved & supported here. Hugs of encouragement sweet friend.....Vicki
The first years following child loss are very difficult. We do what we need to do to survive the best we can for our families. I suspect you are afraid of feeling those feelings and are doing the best you can to survive for your family. I have worked with my physician for the past five years. I worry about \"the agony or angry monster\" coming out when I need or have to get off my medications too. My answer is that I will handle that when the time comes. If the feelings come back, I will seek help again. For this moment, I am getting through the best I can.
Do what you need to. I was at the opposite end, feeling every emotion as it came.I was hoping that if I did it cold, that it wouldn\'t rear its ugly pent up head someday. Last month was month 14 and it was a hard one. This month is different somehow. I am even functioning. I have bad days now instead of bad
Weeks. When it shifts you will know. Lifting you up, Lauri
I was on meds for a few years...off everything now...we do what we do to survive. Hugs, Ann
I too am currently on meds. The psych dr. is having a hard time finding the right cocktail for me right now but I keep telling myself, \" I\'ve gotten through this (the depression) before\". Now though, its hard to tell the difference between the depression and the grief. It feels the same. However, we can\'t let it get us down and keep us down. We have to fight and take care of our other children as well as ourselves.
Like Mom and Ann said \"We do what we do to survive.\" Taking meds is a personal choice between you and your doctor. I personally, need meds to function. Hugs and Prayers......Shelly
I\'ve been on meds from the beginning, had to be able to function to go to work. Have tried several times to come off, with no success yet
. April is my bad month - angelversary and birthday, but perhaps after that I will try again. Maybe if I didn\'t have to work it would be different for me. All we can do is do what we think is best for ourselves. Sue xo
Thank you all for your comments. I am so afraid of where my feelings will take me. I\'m afraid of that very dark place an abyss. I just want to function is that too much to ask? Thank you all so much for your non-judgmental advice and loving support.
Chris