Feeling alone...

My lonliness is killing me today!  I strive each day to make the best of all my blessings and for all of them I am grateful.  Yet, no matter how much I try to move forward, my heart longs for my husband.  I miss the fantasy life in which I thought we had or at least the one I thought we were gonna have.  I keep telling myself this and yet I can't seem to let go.  He is still so lost.  I'm so angry at him 'cause I know he misses me too.  But he is not willing to make any real changes yet and we are both left to suffer.  I know I have a choice and I choose to keep moving forward but my heart won't catch up.  What a son of a bitch!!!!  I want to SHAKE HIM and JUST SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!But instead, I sit and wait.  I'm feeling sorry for myself again and need to snap out of it!  I just can't help it.  I'm a good girl, not perfect, but good.  I don't know why I am left here with my broken heart.  How much longer do I live in limbo, if my physical self has removed myself from the situation and my heart can't let go?!  The lonliness I feel is that, there is no answer and no one can help and I put on my best game face and press on.  When will this feeling end?