feeling a little out of control
I think it's important for me to say, I've been down this road before.
Feeling at certain times like I should be able to think my way out of my illness..
that I am just not trying hard enough...and now I am just feeling very shaky and out of control..
I have to remember the subject that "I am living with this illness" rather than out to defeat it.
I really want to read Joseph Green's new book. I tend to get triggered by reading people talking
about their issues. I know I do it here - it is hard for me - but i do it - so I will try to read his book.
Things are not so good but they could be worse. So I am grateful for the little things in my life right now
and very appreciative of all my friends here and out there...family of course as well!
Peace and namaste!!
Replies
When the recital begins on How Things Could Be Worse, I typically run for cover. Fast, with gratitude that I premapped all emergency exits, just in case. By the end of such blessing counts, it all too often sounds like everybody is glad they are not me. Glad *you* are feeling blessed, my arrogant humiliator. Don't ask me to count *my* blessings under your entitled scrutiny. The beaten crazy bitch wolf bites. I promise. Yes, you may count it as a blessing that your flight/fight reflex is not over-developed. I live with ^it^ as best I can.
Plying therapy tools. Privately. . . And returning your thread to you. . .
Feeling ALLOT out of control was the harshest component of letting go of my own delusions of control. Just admitting I never was in control of my universe was a major mind fuck, all by itself. It was hard, but it was worth it. It is so much easier to be grateful for the show when I am not busy pretending I am the Rightful Director of All Details.