Feeling a little lost.
This week was my last with my counsellor. She acknowledges that I need more time, but as it is a free service and dependent on charity funding they can only offer ten sessions every six months.
I feel as though I have lost the one person in my life I could tell everything to and not worry about being judged or believed. It was somewhere safe for me where I could get validation. I didn't get asked "Are you SURE that happened?" "Did he REALLY do that?" I could tell her anything and she didn't look at me with pity in her eyes.
She is concerned that I am turning all my anger inwards. I don't feel I am, I just feel incredibly sad and despondent (I think that's the right word...) I've resigned myself to the fact I don't really have my family anymore. They will talk to me, they will see me, but they aren't mine. I am going through the motions with them. I don't trust them. I love them, but I don't like them.
I don't know where I am going with this one to be honest, think I'll leave it here, my head is all over the place.
I feel as though I have lost the one person in my life I could tell everything to and not worry about being judged or believed. It was somewhere safe for me where I could get validation. I didn't get asked "Are you SURE that happened?" "Did he REALLY do that?" I could tell her anything and she didn't look at me with pity in her eyes.
She is concerned that I am turning all my anger inwards. I don't feel I am, I just feel incredibly sad and despondent (I think that's the right word...) I've resigned myself to the fact I don't really have my family anymore. They will talk to me, they will see me, but they aren't mine. I am going through the motions with them. I don't trust them. I love them, but I don't like them.
I don't know where I am going with this one to be honest, think I'll leave it here, my head is all over the place.
Replies
Sorry - my comment on your post (nightmares) is a little off since I didn\'t read this first. I didn\'t know you already had your last session and I didn\'t know it was through charity, not the state. But you\'re in the UK, right? I think they have a lot of social services there ... have you looked into getting more support? A sexual abuse hotline might be able to guide you, or even a doctor\'s office or hospital.
As to your family, it is very sad. I know - I have the same situation. It\'s especially sad to feel that you have no mother, especially when you are having children of your own.
You can talk about what happened to you here, with a TW (trigger warning), and you will be believed. It\'s not a substitute for therapy but it\'s some human connection, a place where you can tell the truth.
I\'m very sorry for all you\'re going through.
I\'m a mother and I can\'t imagine what you are going through, I am sorry this happened to you. I am running out of time on this computer but would like to connect with you and maybe help you with finding resources so that you are not on your own. Let me first share that I\'m here because my son was assaulted and my heart is broken that this happened to him. My heart breaks for you because as my sons mother I would give anything to get that night back to save him. Please add me as a friend.
i\'m going to try to add you