FEELING A LITTLE BETTER!

6-12/13-09:  I am feeling a bit better.  I still am anxious, but not as much.  I am back on my anti-depressant, but only for two days.  I don't know if that would make a difference, or not.  I guess as lacking as I was, in whatever, it could. Anyway, Adam had a rough night a couple of nights ago.  I had to go pick him up at a friends house.  Thank goodness she called me as Adam was in no shape to drive!  I brought him home and fed him.  He was truly out of sorts!  Very stressful! And then, the "girl" who says her baby is Adam's came over.  She is very nice and had the baby with her.  He is a doll.  She asked me if I wanted to hold him.  I said no.  He doesn't look anything like Adam or any of my boys.  I would not mind to have a grandson.  However, I just can't put my heart out there, thinking he is, and then finding out he is not.  (according to doctors & tests, Adam cannot have children)  My heart has been broken enough!  I guess it will all work out.  I love kids and do not mind being the "Aunt" when Scott's friends bring their babies over.  I wouldn't mind that with this baby.  But until I know, FOR SURE, about Grandma status, I just have to hold back.    We have been having crazy storms, here.  I wish I could get the flippin' picture "thing" to upload my photos.  I have taken a couple of amazing sunset shots, after the storms.  I think the DS ladies (??...lol), I went to lunch with, broke it!  Before that lunch, my photos would upload just fine!!!  (They know who they are!!!)  If anyone, (besides those women...just kidding) have a clue what is going on with the photo thing...please let me know!  So, thanks again to everyone who has held my hand, on this most recent journey, through the dark side.  I can't even begin to tell you what it/you, mean(s) to me.  Oh...I almost forgot.....at least three times this week, a little blue angel I have, given by a DS friend, hanging on my car mirror, just randomly flew off!  I have two...one is blue-for Scott, the other is pink-for Melissa.  Each time it was when I was thinking of Scott or feeling extremely anxious.  Sign?  Don't know.  But, I choose to believe it was him letting me know he was right there with me.   Crazy?  Don't care.  It made me feel better.