feeling a lil weepy tday

it might be that i have not been sleeping restfully or hormones from pms.  idk but feeling a lil like i could cry.  i really want a hug.  for some reason when i feel the most needy is the time i withdraw.  i guess i don't like to be percieved as needy?  like evry month i get these thoughts.  it used to be why don't i have a partner? now i have one and it's why doesnt he say he loves me? like i believe he does, but what if i'm wrong? logic says then the relationship can still be beneficial even without romantic love. 


still deep down i'd just like to be someones "one"


like not actually one as i am poly so i don't care about monogamy but like really really important to them


and to be showered with like words of affirmations and specialness.


i rarely attract people like me though


sometimes i think i attract people who need people like me?


i'm a giver


so do i attract takers?


i wouldnt characterize it that way, but it does seem i give more....


sometimes too much probably


once someone is special to me i think of them a lot


after the nre wears off i think itll get better...lesson


im still in it


makes me feel weak


and high


its a nice feeling its just scary when u think maybe ur in it by urself