I can't control my brain. I keep getting these feelings constantly. In 2 seconds I feel sad, depressed, terrible, wanting to hurt myself, lightheaded, feel like im gonna throw up, and theres happiness inbetween all of those. I know all the feelings and I wish they were easier to control. It's just every 2 seconds they go by so fast and change the order that they appear. My mind is rushing all the time and my body feels like it's just gonna give up more and more everyday. I don't want to give up. But, I might soon. I feel like everything I do is useless and won't help me at all. I just can't get over things and can't change the way I am. I haven't changed much in the last 5 years. Not even the last few months.
I've been chewing myself and trying not to hurt myself worse. I really don't want to start hurting myself again. It makes me feel terrible when I'm done. I try not to do it for too long and try not to do it too much.
My head really hurts even more and I just want these feelings to stop. I want this all to end right now. I don't know what to do. I tried taking a nap and I tried playing video games. But, nothing is working for me. I might take a sleeping pill or knock myself out so I can escape from all of this. It's straining to feel like this all the time. It's making my body really weak more and more everyday.