Feel like a big LOSER!!!

I had been doing so well staying GF for a long time, but recently I had a relapse which led into two other times . . . though they weren't horrible monetarily and certainly not anywhere near what it was in the past . . . BUT I feel real bad about me! The truth is that today I broke down inside because I just could not stop myself - - - - I had numerous opportunities to stop because I generally get lucky on the machines, but my problem has always been - as most or all of us  probably - that I can't walk away with the winnings!!!  I really felt physically ILL as I was fighting my own self - knowing I was again in the wrong place, but unable to STOP MYSELF - - - - I was praying and internally sort of crying out for help... What a loser I felt like . . . . I talked to a friend and said - I can't believe I'm NOT OVER THIS CRAZY CRAZY ADDICTION - - - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????  Honestly, I think I fell into the trap of thinking that I was OKAY, in CONTROL, and able to go out into those settings, but sadly, AGAIN I found that that isn't true about ME.....   I know . . . I know . . .I need to get over it and through it and start again, but it is hard feeling this sad again and bad about ME.