February 2nd
February 2nd is approaching...whether I want it to or not, it is coming and I will once again see that hateful day that stole my heart away from me. I know the days before a significant date are supposed to be worse that the day itself and I surely hope so. Dear God, can't she just come home now???
My baby, my baby, my baby...why, after all this time, do I still wonder if it really happened???
I read the books I am supposed to read, I take my medication to numb my grief into submission, I play with my dogs, I do my job...Oh, I don't even know where I am going with all this...just that no matter what I do, she isn't coming back. The only way to be with her is when I die...and from all appearances I am a healthy (physically) 44 year old woman. One of my biggest fears is that I might live 30 more years. I can't stand the thought of it.
My baby, my baby, my baby...why, after all this time, do I still wonder if it really happened???
I read the books I am supposed to read, I take my medication to numb my grief into submission, I play with my dogs, I do my job...Oh, I don't even know where I am going with all this...just that no matter what I do, she isn't coming back. The only way to be with her is when I die...and from all appearances I am a healthy (physically) 44 year old woman. One of my biggest fears is that I might live 30 more years. I can't stand the thought of it.
Replies
I understand completely. Sending tight hugs.
Terry
So sorry. Know what you mean......saw Philomena and wept. Would like the memories of my son to be a salve for my pain. Working on that. He was such a creative boy, and sang so beautifully. A natural comic, missing my Jake. Father had 80th b\'day, two of the kids were missing. Daughter with surgery, and Jacob with his death. It\'s almost 5 years, I still cry. Love, Abby
DEAR GENIA ; MY DAUGHTERS ANGEL DATE .COMING THIS MONTH 1/18/2003. IT HAS BEEN 11 YEARS OF ANGER DEPRESSION EMPTYNESS GUILT. LOOKING AT HER URN STILL NOT BELIEVING SHE HAS BEEN GONE THIS LONG. IT HAS GOTTEN BETTER, BUT THE EMPTYNESS IS ALWAYS THERE. I GUESS BECAUSE I HAVE NO FAMILY I HAVE MY SISTER AND HUSBAND BUT NOT MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUSBAND TEDDY. LIKE YOU MY WHOLE LIFE HAS FOREVER BEEN CHANGED. I THINK YOU GETTING A JOB , YOU LIKE HAS EASED SOME OF YOUR PAIN, KEEPS THE BRAIN ACTIVE. . FOR LONG PERIODS. LIKE I SAID I WISH I COULD WRITE SOME MIRACLE ADVICE TO BRING YOUR DAUGHTER BACK AND MINE TO BUT THERE IS NOTHING. THE JOURNEY OF GRIEF TAKES IT TIME. THERE IS NO WAY AROUND IT. WISH THERE WAS, BLESS YOUR ANGEL HIG HUGS AND LOVE MARY ANN.
Oh Gina. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make it better. All the reading and medications don\'t change the cruel fact that our children are not coming back. They help us cope day to day. There are days I still wake up hoping it is a nightmare. This is not very uplifting for you I know. But you also know that we are here and understand.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
my day is coming January 24th I feel the same as you do not sure that it will be better and hoping it will hugs to you for a better tomorrow
The anticipation is so very much worse than the actual day. Really do understand your feelings - I could have written this same journal 8 years ago. Some how we do make it - one small baby step at a time. Hugs, Ann
Dear Gina, please just try to remember that you do not miss her any more on February 2nd than you do any other day of the year. It is not particularly significant. What day of the week was it? Do you miss her on that day? Michael died on a Saturday, the 22nd of November. I have been the full week now! One year, his death day was on Thanksgiving. Don\'t stress out over it. It is just another day in the life of missing our kids!
Peace.
It is true that it is just another day. One step in front of another. Hoping you have some peace, Hugs, Kathy
Gentle hugs to you, my friend!
Oh, the anguish in those written words - I so relate. I\'ve often said that I feel like I have 1 foot in this world and 1 in the next, so confused by where I should or want to be. I cannot imagine, cannot fathom a life without my child. It\'s been 3 years, and I still cannot imagine it.
I\'m with you and understanding... It is a day that is forever encoded on a cellular level within our hearts and a mother never forgets.
However you navigate it please know that you will awaken to the day \"after\" and be so relieved to not have to face it again for another year. I am only sharing my experience as that is all that I have.
Sending loving care dear Gina,
XO Joanie
The thought of an anniversary to the saddest day just makes us reel with emotions. It will be your and Cassi\'s day to fill however it feels appropriate. There\'s no right nor wrong way, just your way.
I wish you peace. Placing you and your precious daughter in my heart as you navigate this grief journey along side of caring moms.
XOXO, Debbie
Gina, I have made it through three Angel dates and know I have to face them, for the rest of my life. I am one who just becomes numb, almost in a daze. I refuse to think about it and know that I have not really accepted the fact, that my son is never coming back.
I know this is not about me, or how I try to cope, but my heart breaks for you. Just know we all understand and are here for you...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
My sons angel date was 12/20 his birthday is coming on 1/31. So I have a hit hit. I am sending you a big tight hug to help you through the upcoming days.
Hugs Penny