Father's Day Invite - Held to NC, but it was so hard
Well, I got a text tonight. "Nite. Join us for Father's Day Sunday at 4:00? Usual steaks."
I was expecting the invite, and it is killing me. If I go to Father's Day, her Father and Brother and family will be there. I can almost guarantee she will be talking about New Guy. I do NOT want to hear it.
I know last night it was arranged that my son went to a friend's for a sleepover, and my Ex was with New Guy for the night. That was already more than I wanted to know.
I have not seen my Ex in-person since May, and I've been doing pretty good overall with NC, though there is still the goodnight texting. I'm almost there.
I had such a hard day yesterday - set way back. Horrible day in tears. I don't want to endure any more, so in spite of my heart, I held the line. I replied "Thank you for the invite, but no thanks."
She replied "Okay"
So, I did it. It is done.
I was expecting the invite, and it is killing me. If I go to Father's Day, her Father and Brother and family will be there. I can almost guarantee she will be talking about New Guy. I do NOT want to hear it.
I know last night it was arranged that my son went to a friend's for a sleepover, and my Ex was with New Guy for the night. That was already more than I wanted to know.
I have not seen my Ex in-person since May, and I've been doing pretty good overall with NC, though there is still the goodnight texting. I'm almost there.
I had such a hard day yesterday - set way back. Horrible day in tears. I don't want to endure any more, so in spite of my heart, I held the line. I replied "Thank you for the invite, but no thanks."
She replied "Okay"
So, I did it. It is done.
Replies
Great move. The first year of holidays without her is the hardest. But you absolutely have to think about yourself or no one else will! It\'s Fathers Day so you should have your kids? This is your day. My kids are already planning on spending it with me this will be my second without my ex so I\'m looking forward to it and you will too eventually! Gotta make that break, you did good..!
Great job turning that down! That is the RIGHT thing to do, absolutely. And yes, you should have your son on father\'s day!! Forget about whatever family tradition might involve your ex\'s father. He is no longer a father figure in your life (and your ex is no longer in your life in that capacity). So hopefully you will ensure that your son is with you on father\'s day. And you can start some new traditions with him.
I like your comment that you haven\'t seen your ex in person since May. I am almost there with you. Last saw her (with one exception) on 5/31 when I was moving stuff out to move in with my parents temporarily. Was doing great but had to see her very briefly on 6/12 at a kid handoff. My plan was to not leave the car and let my daughter just go. But I wanted to get out and give her a big hug. Then stbx came over to my car b/c she wanted something that I normally keep in the back of my car (potty seat). So I barely looked at her and just said \"take it\" and got back into the driver\'s seat.
So that is my one encounter over the last 13-14 days. Hate her with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Wish I could never see or speak to or hear from her again.
Thank you for the support. Yes, it is my normal weekend with my son, so I will have him. In fact, it is his first full week off from school after father\'s day, and my ex readily agreed I could keep him through Wednesday. I\'m sure she will have plans for new guy, but I\'m starting to care less as long as it isn\'t in my face.
on that Monday, I\'m taking my son and a couple of his friends to an area amusement park. That should be fun for him.
I\'m not sure what to do on father\'s day itself, but I\'ll think of something.
As for hating her, I should, but I don\'t. I do know that I get hurt when I see her, so protecting myself is important.
So, I will miss seeing her family who really like me and I like them, but I have to face the reality that they have to be gone along with her. It sucks.
Good job man. It is very hard. Have you thought about blocking her texts? I had to do it, even though the messages were not bad. She was keeping a connection to me that I had to accept as something I didn\'t want. You sound like you are growing and are in recovery. Keep up self-protection and self-containment.
You are taking great steps here!
I know it\'s hard, and you won\'t see it until it\'s passed, but this is a healthy move for you.
Sounds like it will be a fun week with your son too, that\'s a huge plus.
Are you still doing the \"love you, good night\" thing?
What helped me was, if I knew stbxh was in a ritual of texting or calling me at a certain time, I just turned my phone completely off for a few hours. So I wouldn\'t see it and wouldn\'t be tempted to respond.
Again, I know it\'s hard going through it, I remember it all too well, but 15 months later since we separate for good, and I can tell you that the steps you are taking now will help you heal so much faster.
The first round of holidays are definitely the hardest, but honestly, as I\'m now going through the 2nd go-round of holidays since our split, they are astronomically better. Largely in part to the no-contact/restricted contact and boundaries that I set early on.
Big big hugs to you
(((((HUGS)))))
Nicely done. I admire you for taking that step because it ain\'t easy. I still struggle with declining invites especially when it comes to things with the kids. Last weekend I got an invite to go with them to see Jurassic World. I really wanted to see that movie and wanted to share that with the kids but I declined because I didn\'t want to be that close even with 2 seat separation. I think sometimes that I agree to some things like dinners for the benefit of the kids, but wonder if they are really benefiting from it. I\'m civil, friendly, never mean, but just seeing her makes me think of all the hurt that I\'ve been through for the last year.
Again...Great job! You should be proud of yourself for that!!!