Family Vacations
With dh's and my vacation coming up next week, I started thinking about vacations.
DD29 and her dh are going on a "family" vacation in December with her in-laws (who are still married) and, I admit...I envy them. I will never have that. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but my "family" is gone and that's just how I feel and most likely always will. There will be no family vacations. It might have been different had dh's sons and my daughters grown up together, but they didn't. His sons and my daughters, barely know each other, some live far away and have little in common. This certainly wasn't how I ever envisioned my life to be in my 50's. I watch others around me who are still married vacationing with their grown children and grandchildren and it just makes me sad. I try to look on the positive usually, but, deep down, that will probably be a sadness I always feel. I was raised to know that marriage was forever and that family came first and had our family remained a "family", we might have been those people vacationing with their "families". My new "normal" still seems a bit surreal at times.
I feel, after my DD31's visit, that my daughters feel the same. My DD31 said when I told her that DD24 had told me that she missed "family"...she said, "No, I don't miss "family". I miss "individuals". That said it all in a nutshell...and it made me sad for all of us. Nothing will ever be the way it was or should have always been.
DD29 and her dh are going on a "family" vacation in December with her in-laws (who are still married) and, I admit...I envy them. I will never have that. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but my "family" is gone and that's just how I feel and most likely always will. There will be no family vacations. It might have been different had dh's sons and my daughters grown up together, but they didn't. His sons and my daughters, barely know each other, some live far away and have little in common. This certainly wasn't how I ever envisioned my life to be in my 50's. I watch others around me who are still married vacationing with their grown children and grandchildren and it just makes me sad. I try to look on the positive usually, but, deep down, that will probably be a sadness I always feel. I was raised to know that marriage was forever and that family came first and had our family remained a "family", we might have been those people vacationing with their "families". My new "normal" still seems a bit surreal at times.
I feel, after my DD31's visit, that my daughters feel the same. My DD31 said when I told her that DD24 had told me that she missed "family"...she said, "No, I don't miss "family". I miss "individuals". That said it all in a nutshell...and it made me sad for all of us. Nothing will ever be the way it was or should have always been.
Replies
Have a great vacation - time to make some new memories
Have fun, my friend. One day at a time. Hugs
There\'s a lot of grieving to do with these losses. It\'s not easy and I\'m sad for you and your daughters. Try to find new ways to celebrate each other, again, it\'s not easy, but I found some fun ways to spend time with my son that we never did before. Big hug and have a wonderful vacation next week.
I have made new memories with my daughters, such as taking DD31 on a weekend mother-daughter trip recently...just the 2 of us or the day in NYC last year when DD29 helped me pick out my mother-of-the bride dress, but, as a complete \"family\", it will never be the same. We have SO many memories as the old \"intact\" family that I think it will always be hard.
Thinking it will always be hard means it will always be hard. Right? On the other hand, not identifying with the thought leaves you with this thought: \"I notice that I think \'this will always be hard\'.\" And then, \"I notice that thinking this will always be hard pretty much determines that it will always be hard.\" Since the thought is a thought and not a concrete reality, at the very, very least, you may think this without driving yourself crazy: \"It MAY not always be hard. If I believe that it may not always be hard, there is a chance that someday I will let go of the thought I used to believe, which is that \'I think it will always be hard.\' \" These are the step of considering the thoughts, then reconsidering the thoughts we have, in light of values. If you would like to be fine with the reality of life as it is, as a value, first question the belief that you will always find it hard. That is the first step, questioning the belief, the thought that a non-concrete reality, a feeling or a belief, must always be so. This has helped me, and I hope it helps someone else. Hugs!