Family relationships

I just don't like my Mom. thats a hard statement, but yet true.  But still I am having a hard time letting go, I know the relationship is not healthy, as this is a fact with my whole family dynamics. I have grown up with verbal and pyhsical abuse. and she expects me to be this nice person, Well thats hard to imagine when being real about things. She says Get over it...Well for some of us it is not that easy. I try to be a good person, try to be nice and in generally I am, Do I have issues yes, I am tring to deal with them, going to counseling on medication. I am aware that I am insecure with relationships, which has to do with things that were said and done to me as I grew up. Yes it affects how I am with people. Well with her help I have now become compeletly alienated from most of my family, and friends. she now has told everyone that they should stay away until, I become what ever it is she thinks I should be.  When I was 11 years old she told a neighbor that she would be so glad to get rid of me  (I was going away for the summer) that she couldn't stand me. I feel completey beaten down and the same defeated way as I did then.  I tried to talk to her about it she says Get over it that was 20 yrs ago.. I wonder why I keep tring to make her happy, it should be so obvious that this will never happen. Wow just got hit with a powerful insight. I don't  think I know what it is like to be really loved.so how in the hell do I expect people to feel loved by me, as I only know to give what I thought was love..This is so so sad.. Please Please don't let me screw up my son the same way...Right now feeling like I should send him to his Dads, so I don't screw him up...