"Family fears I am too old to have kids" rant
Hope everyone had a Happy Easter and/or Happy Passover. I know some of us have a harder time around holidays with IF; they sometimes are a cruel reminder of what we are missing since so many holidays focus on children. We spent Easter with DH's family and it was a nice day and luckily his family is always respectful of where we are in the IF journey. Both of our families are overall pretty supportive of us doing IVF, but I guess since we've just finished our first cycle, there have been some subtle questions about genetic testing and egg quality, since I'm 43 1/2 (I include the half because that means I am just that much closer to 44!!!!) and also about my "energy levels for this age." Anyway, I try and remind myself that everyone is concerned about us having a healthy baby, but sometimes its so hard. I hear a lot of "well if its not meant to be, at least you have each other" and "sometimes things work out for a reason" and "don't worry if you don't have a child, you will still have a great life" but of course, these things make me feel like our families don't really beleive we'll get pregnant and if we do, they worry something will be "wrong" with our child. One of my aunts is against IVF and has not made it a secret, she has this theory that IVF meds give babies tons of health issues (I have told her numerous times there is no evidence to support this theory, but she doesn't care). Anyway, all of this saddens me because I think I know on some level our families are right, there are no guarantees we'll have a baby, and given my age, I sometimes wonder if they all think we are just kidding ourselves and go along with our "crazy IVF fantasies" just to sound supportive. It's extra painful to hear about my soon to be sister-in-law and their future kids, when hello, she is 37 and apparantly has some issues that could cause her trouble when TTC yet somehow its assumed she will get pregnant. I know we are all dealing with IF, but I'm starting to think I might be the oldest woman on DS!?!??!
If you are still reading, thank you for listening to my rant! :) Hope you are all doing well and wherever you are spring has sprung and you are enjoying the day.
xoxo
If you are still reading, thank you for listening to my rant! :) Hope you are all doing well and wherever you are spring has sprung and you are enjoying the day.
xoxo
Replies
Ugh...sorry to hear about this! It\'s none of their business anyway. You are NOT the oldest woman on DS and modern medicine (especially for IF) has come quite a long way if you are concern about age issues. Keep your head up. (HUGS)
Hope, you\'re not the oldest, trust me! And regarding the energy level, you\'ll have it. I\'m 44 and sometimes is a little though taking care of a newborn, but guess what? My younger friends are having the same challenges and I love every moment of it. And you will too!! You are so close, you\'ll have your baby soon. Hang in there sweetie, we are rooting for you!! XOXO
I am so sorry. I hate how family, all have their opinions. For us it\'s not age, but that we\'ve done it so many times so they think we are crazy to do it again which is why I now prefer no one knows. As for your aunts feelings on IVF, baloney, we all know she is wrong and that\'s what is most important. Although I know her words hurt. I am sorry. They all need to mind their own business.
I am very hopeful for you. For doing mini IVF you had a large number of eggs and great fertilization report. You may just prove your family wrong! Wouldn\'t it be great, come next Easter if your sitting at the table with a baby in your arms or about to burst belly. My fingers are crossed for it!
People love putting their 2cents in like what they have to say actually matters. Ignore those people, they are usually the ones that are miserable in life or have failed in doing something they love or wanted so they are bitter. They really should\'ve be more supportive especially during holidays, it is harder on us. I was having a good day yesterday talking and laughing with my sister, mom and husband and then a sec later \"you still aren\'t a mother, you are still going to family functions with no child\" just popped into my head and tears started coming down. Thankfully I have a very small family - just my mom sister and my nieces (oh and all the -inlaws) They knew it was about not being pregnant yet and they just poured me a glass of wine lol good call. Point is - just keep yourself surrounded by family members who get what you\'re going through and who will only lift you up, not bring you down or make you doubt what you are doing. Keep postive xx
I am so hopefuly for your IVF cycle. IF is such a touchy subject. I pretty much hate when anyone asks me anything about it. On DS is the only place I feel safe to discuss it. I agree with the other ladies and hope you have a healthy little one in your arms next easter :)
You are preaching to the choir! LOL I know all of those feelings you are having and all of the things you have heard from family as well, I have heard too! I definitely think that people say that because of our age (and you are ONLY 6 months older than me my friend) and I definitely worry about my energy level and doubt every other day that it will not work for us. BUT, I don\'t believe its not MEANT TO BE for us....I think we got into the game too late (unfortunately) and BIOLOGICALLY it just won\'t compute (if that is what happens). There is no HIGHER power holding us back from becoming mothers because we are not MEANT to get pregnant. That kind of stuff pisses me off! Would someone say that the local crack whore was MEANT TO have several babies that she couldn\'t raise or that would be addicted to drugs? I doubt it!
I\'d also love to ask anyone if they would trade their child in FOR A \"GREAT LIFE\" with just their spouse? Of COURSE we can still have a great life....but its not necessarily the life we dreamed for ourselves!
To quote another DS sister: \"You can\'t fix stupid\"......not that your family is stupid, but the comments are made because they just don\'t know what to say........except for that Aunt of yours! She doesn\'t seem to GET IT! LOL
I\'m always here to talk.....except at my age you have to catch me before 9pm! This old lady gets tired! LOL
People and their opinions. I say brush your aunt\'s theories off.....Your doing awesome!! I am super hopeful for you and always have my fingers crossed for you! Don\'t let anyone get you down :-)
Ugh... family... my mom tries to be supportive and most of the time she is but then she says things that flat out piss me off! So I am no longer telling her stuff. Your numbers were great this IVF... so do not let what they are saying, get in your head! Women in their 40s get pregnant more and more these days because of modern medicine. You will have luck, I know it!
I am so sorry you have to listen to those comments. It really gets annoying and overwhelming for us when people don\'t REALLY think about what they are saying. Unless they have walked a little bit in our shoes, they NEVER truly understand any part of IF. I know your age is scary, but know your not alone. I believe that you WILL be a Mom. We don\'t put all our time and energy into this to be left with empty arms. I am sending lots of good thoughts your way that when you transfer your healthy embies that your dreams finally come true. Sending you big hugs...xoxo
Families just do not always get it. Not talking about IF with them or any of the treatments has helped a ton for me. I find when I don\'t share with them, they don\'t share with me!!!
Families, you have to love them but sometimes they just don\'t get the impact of what they say. I\'m still very positive about your odds. You had great results with you mini cycle and have two snow babies waiting for you. Plus as for energy, I feel you have the energy you want to have. I know woman that can hardly handle things and are always complaining about how tired they are where my secretary is 60 and still runs around everywhere (she had her daughter at 38 after losing 2 at 25 weeks). I can happend late in life and you have to believe that will be your case.
Hugs
All that matters is what you think! Unfortunately family members need to learn to stiffle a bit sometimes....maybe having a child in your 40\'s was old 200 years ago when people were getting married at 13 and dying at 50, but that\'s hardly the case now. Don\'t let them get to you and have fun proving them wrong!
Thank you all for these great comments :)
those comments are dumb. They think they are being supportive, but they aren\'t. I don\'t think they are doing it on purpose to hurt you, but they don\'t realize that it does. I agree with everyting everybody else said. That whole \"what\'s meant to be, will be\" is completely stupid. Don\'t stop chasing your dreams. I always ask people with kids \"do you remember how great it felt when you held that baby in your arms for the first time and how much love poured out of you?\" they always get super happy and emotional and say yeah, and then I go why would you think I don\'t deserve that? That usually gets them to re-think.
Gotta love how everyone has their opinion about how you should run your own life. Especially the comments coming from people who have children saying to give up on having your own. My dad does the same thing- always says how life is so nice without kids- I think it comes from not wanting to see us suffer. Frustrating because they will never have any idea what it feels like to struggle with this. \"Acknowledge the intent, ignore the content\" is what I do. Follow your heart, wherever it leads :)