Falling backwards

I started cutting again. It has been 3 months and then, I snapped, I was just sitting there and I suddenly knew that I HAD to cut, and it felt so good. I just sat there, bleeding, not even guilty. And when I told the only person I really ever trusted, my really good friend, he got mad at me. I guess I can understand him, but his anger doesn't make anything beter. In fact, it makes it much worse. God I hate this, everything I do is painful. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up