Falling apart from the inside.

It is going on 11 months as of the 3rd of November, since I lost my dear Paul. But it still doesn't seem to be getting any easier. If anything, the longer it is from losing Paul, the worse I seem be. I feel as though I am getting no where in my journey.
I just can't seem to stop feeling really shaky, very scared, alone, lost and a number of other ways, I keep telling myself "Karen, just stop feeling this way", but I can't seem to. It maybe the reason why my chest hurts at times, because of the way I feel.
I work real hard on hiding my true emotions from everyone. Sarah(my daughter), is always asking me, "mom, are you sure you are ok?" of course I tell her yes, even though I'm not.
I just wish, I knew what to do, to stop all this pain.