fallen again!
thank you everyone for your amazing support and encouragement of what i did. i did try my best and so appreciate YOU, my most special special friends!! dont even know if i could have done it without you! .... now i feel like a failure. only 2 days after having such energy and positiveness, it is the end of the school year here in SA. Khaely, who you know is bipolar, has gotten into a good school for next year - if she will just behave appropriately she wont get kicked out (really). but she's going into a grade TWO GRADES behind her previous peers. it is so sore. but i must be strong for her right? today was prize giving for my son jarod. he did not cope with Grade 3, and will be repeating it next year. he is such a bright and beautiful boy. i am devastated. while all his friends will move on, and got awards etc, he is not. my step daughter at the same school got the highest honours in her group and academic award top achiever. i am truly happy for her she is so sweet, AND for my hubby. but i am so very very sad and sore inside. i battled to keep the tears in at graduation. when i came home i just wanted to go to jessy so she and i could hold each other as we always did, and so she could just shriek with joy at seeing me, and in that moment nothing else would matter. but jessy wasnt there. i miss her so bad. my mom and hubby say not to be too hard on myself cos i told them it is ME who is the failure, not the children. mom and hubby say this year was a shocking year for all of us, me the most, painful and traumatic for us as a family. and we will now have our summer break. and for the next year, please G-d, we will be off on a stronger note, and we will all do our best. isnt it funny. one day 10 steps forward you feel like a million dollars. and 2 days later, feels like a 100 steps backwards, a huge fall and A PLODDD! one day at a time..... right? jessy is with me, everything will be ok. i think
Replies
Don\'t be so hard on yourself...I know when it effects our kids it also effects us - I have never figured out a way not to have that happen...Be strong & have a fun summer with your kids - ENJOY them...Hugs, Ann
Yes, everything will be OK, and you are definitely not a failure! Keep having faith in your kids and relying on your family and friends (and God) to help you through. You will make it! Hugs, Judy : )
you inspire me to be a better person. you are one of the strongest people i\'ve met in a long time. for everything there is a season. i\'m glad the kids get a break for now and hopefully they will start the next years with a fresh and healing spirit. everything will be okay. you are not a failure. love and hugs always, meghann
oh hun, i know the pain and worry that your going through with your kids and my heart goes out to you....please know that your not alone!!!! i am here for you....jessy is helping you though this,of this im sure....you and your family are in my thoughts....lots of love...jann
Jan you did everything you could to make it a positive day and they will always appreciate that you helped in everyway possible. It amazes me everytime I think of something I want to do, say or get for my child, then I remember that he is gone. But as time has ticked on... I find that I can cope more with those feelings and thoughts. Hope you have a wonderful summer break...funny I can say that as I sit here in weather that is only about 30 degrees outside in the sun... Hug and Love to you, Vera
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! You are incredible with what you d and the strength you find within you in such difficult circumstances. Your children are not failures either. The are \"differently abled\" not disabled!!! Remember that my dear, dear friend. You are their Mum because you are so very special and so very loving. Most would have well and truly cracked with what you have carried on your shoulders and you keep going, keep loving and keep being the wonderful you. Yu are so very very special, never ever doubt that!! Charlotte. xox
Jan, you are anything BUT a failure. You are a wonderful mother and you and your family have and are continuing to endure the hardest thing imanginable. They will be OK. They just need a little extra. I have a son who goes to a tutor once a week and still struggles in school. I make you alot of promises but again I promise in time you will take two steps forward and you will stay ahead. It\'s a long journey. One that doesn\'t end but the path gets straighter. Do your best to enjoy the summer break with your children. It\'s a time to be together. Love to you. Robin
You are not a failure. When death strikes a failure our lives are put in reverse mode. Everything we do is harder than anyone else has to deal with. Our children that are still alive have to deal with the pain also and sometimes it is hard for them. Things will get better. With every day you will get one step better. Take care and pray to Jesse she is with you.