fallen again!

thank you everyone for your amazing support and encouragement of what i did. i did try my best and so appreciate YOU, my most special special friends!!   dont even know if i could have done it without you! .... now i feel like a failure. only 2 days after having such energy and positiveness, it is the end of the school year here in SA.  Khaely, who you know is bipolar, has gotten into a good school for next year - if she will just behave appropriately she wont get kicked out (really). but she's going into a grade TWO GRADES behind her previous peers.  it is so sore. but i must be strong for her right? today was prize giving for my son jarod. he did not cope with Grade 3, and will be repeating it next year. he is such a bright and beautiful boy. i am devastated.  while all his friends will move on, and got awards etc, he is not.   my step daughter at the same school got the highest honours in her group and academic award top achiever. i am truly happy for her she is so sweet, AND for my hubby.  but i am so very very sad and sore inside. i battled to keep the tears in at graduation. when i came home i just wanted to go to jessy so she and i could hold each other as we always did, and so she could just shriek with joy at seeing me, and in that moment nothing else would matter. but jessy wasnt there.  i miss her so bad. my mom and hubby say not to be too hard on myself cos i told them it is ME who is the failure, not the children.  mom and hubby say this year was a shocking year for all of us, me the most, painful and traumatic for us as a family. and we will now have our summer break. and for the next year, please G-d, we will be off on a stronger note, and we will all do our best. isnt it funny. one day 10 steps forward you feel like a million dollars. and 2 days later, feels like a 100 steps backwards, a huge fall and  A PLODDD! one day at a time..... right? jessy is with me, everything will be ok. i think