Fahrvergnügen

I have only a short time to write...I think this expectation of 'a perfect day'

or really, 'a day without scrambled brains and depression' is something I just can't afford to look

at and not accept it all as 'part of life.' I suppose you could say by adjusting my expectation - it's helping

me keep on the bright side and the functioning side.

I went to work this morning. The labor of work slowly worked it's fatiguing action

on my mind. When I fatigue, invasive thoughts and auditory stuff happens and it also works its way to where I lose sight of 'what I was' or 'how I was' relating to myself as I do the work ...but now I'm 

practicing catching what the influences are... and not letting certain people at work ....or certain fatiguing at work... determine my self identification and

way of relating to myself.

So, when I left work today - grateful the work day was over - I drove home and found myself

just feeling muddy and disorganized. I found the fatigue trying to insinuate itself into

my consciousness as a depression and anxiousness. I decided to just get on my way with the day and the drive home and go with wanting to leave work behind me

and along my drive I began wishing there would be someone 'all my own' to come home to.

It was a helpful idea, it raised my hopes, but alas when I came home -- I just felt down and scrambled. But I do have Blue! :)

To manage the down and scrambled feelings - I just decided

I am probably not the only one who feels so scrambled and down after a day at work - and I decided to

just continue on my way to seek out 'entertainments' and 'projects' to get involved with here at home.

Another perspective I thought to take was maybe like seeking out a 'half way' attitude to joy rather than a grand one. That helped too. It helped a little space for sunshine to come in - rather than a total 'cow tipping

of the down feelings.'

Anyways I should probably go for a walk - it would do me good to get some fresh air and exercise.

So, things are good. Feeling muddy, down and disorganized too but I can live with that - and

I kind of have to! :)

peace,
Mark

-- I just came back from the walk...I made it mine! It was nice! I'll do it again soon for sure. :-)

I had been waxing and waining as to if I would go - I think accepting those muddy, down disorganized

feelings paid off! I was open for motivation - I was open to not being overshadowed by the down feelings

- I had a good time - and it was my time... Nobody else's...

and the hoodspah (sp?) to do it was a good thing. :) 

I feel like the nature of this inspiration could be spelled out - So often I look for an image to fill - and I fulfill it - going off on my own for a walk felt way too lonely - solitary - unknown -  and it's like I had to inspire myself somehow - I think accepting those muddy feelings just made me ripe for pushing forward and going for something without feeling

like I had to be 'just so'...I definitely will build on my walkings. Peace!