Fade away

No one sees my pain anyways, I deserve to fade away completely.

Replies

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary

Hon, we are trying to help you as much as possible. Hugs
MaryTurk
MaryTurk

So...we cannot see your pain if you wont show it!! all we know is you want to end your pain.

Don't you understand how you are hurting us!!!

Please....share!
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary

Maryturk is right, you really need to open up and let us or anyone help you. But you are the only one that can really help yourself. I have been there too and I know how isolated you can feel. But I did reach out and get help. More than once.
fluterify
fluterify

I called 2 places for help last night alone and they did NOTHING. :'(
Lexilynn
Lexilynn

I'm sorry fluterify, I feel that I MUST tell you this....
*IF* you walk your butt into a hospital & tell them POINT BLANK that you want to take your life and are highly thinking if doing so, they WILL take you. But let's *just say* that they looked at you and laughed in your face and pushed you out the door,.well, here is what you can do next, to get the help that you need... Stop a police officer or call dispatch and tell the person that you are wanting to kill your and that you are highly thinking of doing so. They WILL make sure that you are placed in a safe place.

Hugs!

Btw, I just joined this site today and care, am concerned, and trying to help. I seen others trying to help you as well.
fluterify
fluterify

I have been in hospital 100 times before and they will not help because they feel my BPD will not be helped by being admitted so after a max of 3 days in the crisis unit they discharge me.
MaryTurk
MaryTurk

i am concerned. So, you go to the hospital. ask for help....then, what happens? They are not convinced you are serious about your threats? They let you go because they think you are out of the "woods"? What?
fluterify
fluterify

No, they know I still feel suicidal but the worry the hospital will make things worse so they send me home to deal on my own.
Ladybug7
Ladybug7

I hope that you understand how many people here care about you. However, we are completely powerless to help you in any way, because you refuse to let us in. I do understand that you're in pain. But why? What is the root of this pain?

Are you seeing a psychiatrist and/or therapist on a regular basis? If so, have you spoken with him/her about how you're feeling right now? I would strongly encourage you to seek out help, and to be open and honest about what you're feeling. Are you providing the crisis lines with the reasons why you feel like you do?

It's true that a hospital ER will not be able to provide much in the way of treatment for borderline personality disorder. However, if you have an active plan to commit suicide, as Lexi stated, they WILL take you. You just have to be open and honest with them as they evaluate the risk of you harming yourself.

The bottom line is that the first step is up to you. You can't expect anyone -- us or doctors or treatment centers or crisis lines -- to help you unless you talk about what's really going on. Praying that you feel better soon. Hugs.
fluterify
fluterify

I have a wonderful counsellor I see every week or 2. I have been to hospital enough to know they do NOTHING for me!
fluterify
fluterify

And I see my family doctor on the 25th
fluterify
fluterify

I have been in the system for 9 years I know it inside out!
fluterify
fluterify

Last question, How the hell is this my fault? And yes I am mad, you people have no right to blame this on me!
Ladybug7
Ladybug7

Does your family doctor prescribe you any meds to help with your BPD? Generally, family doctors are not as knowledgeable about these types of medications as psychiatrists. I'd encourage you to consider seeing one. Your therapist would likely be able to recommend someone for you.

I'm glad that you feel comfortable with your therapist. Are you able to contact her about how you're feeling right now?
Ladybug7
Ladybug7

Having borderline personality disorder isn't your fault. At all. However, it IS up to you to take actions to help yourself feel better.

I'm sorry if anything I've said has made you feel angry. That definitely isn't my intent. I care, and want to help.