Facebook blues

I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Last night I learned that my alcoholic ex was most likely cheating on me. So needless to say- we won’t be speaking anymore- ever. I even deleted him on facebook. But for some reason- deleting him on facebook was too much for me. In my head I thought that I didn’t want to add that level of outward animosity toward him- deleting him on FB. So I re-added him. I just looked at this page and this hot broad hit him up. I don’t feel good about that at all. I “unsubscribed” to him so I won’t see what happens on his page. So that could be it- problem solved. But I don’t feel good about it. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why? Is it b/c I saw a pic of another chick on his page and I feel like that’s the chick he cheated on me with and she’s WAY better looking than me? And I’m thinking- he probably likes her more than me, he probably tells her how insecure I was, etc. Now- she just said “What up.”  For all I know that could be a friend of his or some other friend’s chick. But that’s not what my crazy mind is conjuring up. I’m thinking that he found the chick of his dreams and that I never meant shit to him and that I was a joke. All sorts of craziness happening. So my question is- should I delete him? He’s a vindictive fuck. Someday if he gets into a relationship he’ll post it just so I can see. But the real question is- why would I not delete him? I have no desire to speak to him ever again. Like ever. He won’t even notice if I delete him. But deleting him means it’s over 100%. Well in my eyes it does- b/c I know his ass won’t call or come here. But then again- maybe I’m scared to make it hard for him to contact me. Maybe some of me is trying to hold on to the thought that…. I don’t know. It’s the last link. I’m scared to let it go. I’m scared of what he’ll do. I know that sounds crazy. But he isn’t stable at all and I feel like if I still have him as a friend on FB he won’t think anything of what he did to me- like he might think that I don’t hate him.   But if I delete him then there’s nothing left.
I gotta do it. He really hurt me. A friend wouldn’t do that to another friend. Additionally- I can’t keep being scared to let people go if they aren’t meant to be in my life.   I have to love me enough to know that I am secure in saying I no longer want him in my life. I am hurt and angry- so if he thinks so then he’s right. And if he thinks I’m overreacting, making shit up, etc. that’s him. That says more about him then it does about me. I’m gonna do it. It’s done. I don’t know how I feel about it. I feel nervous. But I think it needs to be done. So it’s done. I’m gonna stand by my decision.