I think I have said before how I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Being practically homebound and not a phone person it is my best way of staying in contact with people. But I also have to see Cassi's classmates getting married, starting families, moving to great new jobs, etc...
This morning I woke up to a "Facebook Memory Reminder" from just4 years ago. Today was the day 4 years ago that Cassi, after having the summer off, moved back to UWF for her senior year. That particular summer, of 2012, was an especially sweet one. Cassi had moved home for the whole summer and her friends camped out in her room and the spare bedroom for much of that summer. They had so much fun. It was never about going out partying or clubbing for Cassi's crowd. They built bonfires and made smores...they went on hikes...they picniced at lakes, went tubing, they watched movies, they loved to cook, all of them! They all loved to cook. It was the happiest summer she had had in years and unfortunately would be the last one she would have. I wonder if somwhow, deep down, I sensed something. I am sure I did, I worried about her most of her life. But that summer, 2012, I thought maybe she had turned a corner. I hoped the worst was behind us. Then she packed up her car and went back to school, 100 miles and 2 hours away. Almost immediately drama started, the energy changed. I don't want to dwell on that last year, not right now. Maybe when I am stronger.
It just blows my mind that this was just 4 years ago!!! 4 years, a lifetime...the death of my child...the end of the future I had planned, the end of the hopes and dreams I had for her. I feel like I have aged 50 years.
I miss her. She was so funny, such a smart-ass, my favorite kind of humor...think Chelsea Handler. We always used to watch her show together, Chelsea Lately. We were into all the inside jokes and were constantly shouting buzz words from the show. We also watched Gilmore Girls...I can't watch it to this day. Those 2 characters were so much like me and Cassi. The Mom being kind of flighty and the daughter beingmore serious and studious. We DREAMED of moving to NewEngland and opening a quaint Bed and Breakfast!!! Then she wanted to go to the Pacific Northwest, and Oregon has always called to me...
Sigh...it's gonna be a long night.
Replies
That summer, Cassi and her friends loving the hiking, cooking, tubing...so glad Cassi had that lovely summer of pure fun.
I wish Cassi didn't have to leave so soon. I understand.
Gentle hugs, Linda ♡
Thank goodness for these precious memories along the way and I so wish that Cassi and you could continue to be making them together. You two sound like quite the pair with all your fun and just enjoying one another fully.
My late mom used to remind me to make great memories along the way because she said when I got to be "her age" I would find myself resting in them. Well, I'm not her age even though I'm with you with who is that woman looking back at me kind of feeling, yet find myself resting in so many of them now with Douglas.
Gentle care and remembering these most beautiful children of ours together. Deepest of sighs...
XO Joanie
I hope the day comes that you can reflect on the summer of 2012 and smile. If you are like I am right now, positive memories make me cry. Negative memories make me cry too. There will probably be a lot more long nights on this journey and very few answers. At least ones we'll be comfortable with.
I have never really shared on facebook. The couple of times I have I get "hallmark" responses that simply piss me off and reaffirm how ignorant people are, so I shut up.
Moments of peace my friend. xoxo Merrilee
Gina Whenever I look back at a fond memory with my son it cuts like a knife knowing there are no more of these precious moments to come. We know what you a feeling. It is a deep pain. Tight hugs.
I so understand - my mind is flooded with memories, if only I knew, so very painful - I'm with you, Gina. ((((hugs)))) Vicki
Keep that summer of 2012. It is a great memory to go to when life gets tough , all need a great memory to live on, I have some good one of Mike that I return to I cry and smile all at the same time.
Tight hugs
Penny