F my A

So everyone here reading this knows I'm a worthless failure right? That has been clearly established? Do I need to do the sock puppet demonstration again? We good? Aiight. 
Well today I went back to work, which was about as fun as a dentist appointment with Dr. Henry Cotton (I'm busting out the smart jokes today) and because it was slow as snail dicks I actually got a quick break to go have a puff on my cigarette.  
I come back to the counter and ask one of my coworkers on the down low if I smell like smoke. He says no, loudly, because he is stupid as a sack of hammers and my other coworker, L, who is a fucking loudmouth, exclaims "you started smoking again!" This sets off a domino affect of both my coworkers and regular customers coming up to me and telling me how disappointed they are in me. Excellent.
One of our regulars, MJ, even directly told me she was disappointed in me and said she wanted to slap me. Cool. 
So now I'm basically a temari ball of self-loathing and shame, filled with beans of sadness (don't steal that btw I'm naming my nu metal band beans of sadness) and I'm very triggered. But I am also ridiculously antsy and without a doubt heading straight for mania-dise city, where the grass is bright orange and the girls are cute at best. 
Just whyyyy...