eyes wide

I had a pretty desperate night last night - and got up for work this morning and went forward.

As I started to work, I felt I wasn't moving quickly enough and that I wasn't doing a very good job.

I decided though to try and put my attitude about it to a matter of choice. I was going to do the best I could

but at the same time I wasn't going to be all 'oh woe is me' about it...I decided to choose a positive attitude

to deal with the challenge - 

that I was going to finish my work- that things would get done and I would just kind of be positive rather than bad attitude which would make the process that much more painful and not effective..

Things went well. I left work feeling happy and empowered by the notion of 'choosing happy' in a way..

it gave me a sense of power and control over the situation and my outlook - to choose my outlook in the face of shadowy stuff. I drove home and felt

fine as well - and though once I got home I decided to 'stay in' because of a fever - I rested.

I received a phone call from someone I love very much and after we hung up I suddenly slipped mentally

and everything got subjective and I felt panicked and an extreme sense of woe and quiver. Rather than work myself up over it

I am using what I learned earlier at work - to kind of accept it - and just work through it - while it goes on -

and try and just keep going with whatever I hoped to do.  I said to my T the last time we spoke "Every day 

I'm figuring it out!" 

Anyways - choosing to be positive, choosing 'happy' if you will. And now I'll just go out and grab a coffee.

double hugs..peace out. :)