Extreme pity party table of 1
I am sliding back in to the depths of despondency and i hate it. Can't seem to find the brakes though. Seems all I've done today (5/24/13) is cry and feel sorry for myself for one reason or another. I have a very very strong feeling that #4 is here this weekend. This is the weekend my ex's family has their family reunion. They were not able to have it last year. The year before, unbeknownst to me, my time as a family member was coming to an end. He'd already looked for and located #4. Thought his remark about looking at the guestbook signatures from over the years and seeing the different wives....Guess he was already picturing #4 signing the book..
Sigh. he told me he'd be out of town this weekend. But he'd mentioned his brother from Wyoming would be here for the family reunion. So, unless they moved the reunion weekend or the place, that means now and I don't think he'd miss seeing his brother. My guess is that #4 came down and she is stayng with my ex at his sister's place in the next town over-where they usually have the reunion. I could be wrong, but..I seldom am.
The thing is..so what? So what if she is here? Why does it even matter any more. I think back to 3 years ago when it was our turn to do the reunion and how hard I worked...I always enjoyed going though. tonight, though, I'm thinking she will be better at it than I was. I loved his family and we got along well, but I think she will fit in better than I ever did. I get the impression she's a country girl. And she can't help but be more domestic than I ever was. I think things are going to work out well for them. I get the impression she is quite a bit like #1, but he's grown up a good bit since we split up so I think that will work out. He's laid down a good foundation for their relationship. Well, outside of the whole lying and cheating thing. He found a church he's happy and involved in. The kind of church he grew up in. He's got friends who seem to have been a really good influence on him in helping him grow up. (ok-i do hate the one cause I think he was instrumental in all this but still). he seems to be handling his money better than ever. alot of the things wives 1-3 had to deal with, #4 won't have because he seems more settled and stable than I've ever known him to be.
I have to be honest with myself. I never felt anyone could love him or accept him like i did. And maybe that was part of the problem. i always felt it was a great thing that we didn't try to change each other. But then again, neither did we challenge each other to grow. We always laughed about how we were not really grownups. Although it doesn't justify the lying, etc--I have to recognize how much I pushed him away, even if it wasn't intentional. Instead of nurturing and feeding the relaitonship, i think I kept withdrawing and turning away from it. Always with a reason of course, but still.
And now he's with #4. Interesting. Here he is living in the general area where he grew up. Involved in a church I think that is pretty close to what he attended when he was growing up. And now with a woman who I believe will fit in well in that atmosphere and in many ways is similar I think to #1 and all the other women he grew up with. Looks like he made the right decision for himself. Stability. Security. Comfortable. Home.
He always did land on his feet.
Sigh. he told me he'd be out of town this weekend. But he'd mentioned his brother from Wyoming would be here for the family reunion. So, unless they moved the reunion weekend or the place, that means now and I don't think he'd miss seeing his brother. My guess is that #4 came down and she is stayng with my ex at his sister's place in the next town over-where they usually have the reunion. I could be wrong, but..I seldom am.
The thing is..so what? So what if she is here? Why does it even matter any more. I think back to 3 years ago when it was our turn to do the reunion and how hard I worked...I always enjoyed going though. tonight, though, I'm thinking she will be better at it than I was. I loved his family and we got along well, but I think she will fit in better than I ever did. I get the impression she's a country girl. And she can't help but be more domestic than I ever was. I think things are going to work out well for them. I get the impression she is quite a bit like #1, but he's grown up a good bit since we split up so I think that will work out. He's laid down a good foundation for their relationship. Well, outside of the whole lying and cheating thing. He found a church he's happy and involved in. The kind of church he grew up in. He's got friends who seem to have been a really good influence on him in helping him grow up. (ok-i do hate the one cause I think he was instrumental in all this but still). he seems to be handling his money better than ever. alot of the things wives 1-3 had to deal with, #4 won't have because he seems more settled and stable than I've ever known him to be.
I have to be honest with myself. I never felt anyone could love him or accept him like i did. And maybe that was part of the problem. i always felt it was a great thing that we didn't try to change each other. But then again, neither did we challenge each other to grow. We always laughed about how we were not really grownups. Although it doesn't justify the lying, etc--I have to recognize how much I pushed him away, even if it wasn't intentional. Instead of nurturing and feeding the relaitonship, i think I kept withdrawing and turning away from it. Always with a reason of course, but still.
And now he's with #4. Interesting. Here he is living in the general area where he grew up. Involved in a church I think that is pretty close to what he attended when he was growing up. And now with a woman who I believe will fit in well in that atmosphere and in many ways is similar I think to #1 and all the other women he grew up with. Looks like he made the right decision for himself. Stability. Security. Comfortable. Home.
He always did land on his feet.
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