Exhausted Muscles
Today I'm just exhausted. My legs are killing me. Ever tine I try and walk they get weak on me. I feel like I really ran a marathon yesterday. I worked my muscles to the point of failure, so they say. That means I worked them as hard as they could go and no more. My legs aren't even sore, they just twitch with weakness. I don't know what to do about it... I need to be able to walk to work tomorrow. I should be better by then, but I don't know for sure. I was able to walk to the bus, go to the store and walk from work (where the bus dropped me off) home, but I had to stop and sit a lot. I guess I will just plan on leaving early tomorrow and sit at the bus stops on the way to work like I did with the costochondritis. I don't think I'm going to be able to do the 2.5 miles on Thursday, but we will see. I would love to at least do 2 miles again. I need to give my muscles time to rest, though, and today and tomorrow are days of rest. On Wednesday I'm going to try jogging and walking a mile, and then Thursday the two mile thing. I just need to make sure I take it a bit easy, since I've been working them too hard. I don't want to get an injury or anything.
Today was another sleeping day. I didn't have to work, and instead of getting up when I woke up after a decent amount of sleep, I went back to sleep. I've been oversleeping now. I just don't want to do anything but sleep. Sleep is good, sleep is fun, sleep means I don't have to deal with the real world. I can live in my dreams, even if they are just twisted versions of what I go through in everyday life. I need to get out of that funk... I don't know what I did before. I think it was easier because Geo would be awake and I could use the computer, but even now when he's awake I don't use the computer, I go back to sleep. I need to make some sort of pledge to myself to get out of bed after I've had 12 hours of sleep and not go back to sleep. I was going to say unless I have to, but then I will find reasons to have to. I wish I had the mental strength to make that pledge now, but I know I'm going to fail at it if I do it now. What I can do is tomorrow wake up on time and get to work on time. I know that going to work is going to be hard, but I don't do what's easy all the time.
I feel like a hypocrite now... I say I don't have the mental strength to make a pledge to sleep no more than 12 hours, but then I say I don't do things just because they are easy (or something like that). I should clarify that my pledge is for 12 hours, or whatever I sleep through. I fall asleep at different times each night, and so I don't know when 12 hours for tomorrow is going to be until I fall asleep tonight. I don't want to have to worry about setting an alarm. I know tomorrow my alarm is going to be set for noon, and I'm going to get up at that time. I will fall asleep before midnight tonight hopefully, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'm going to take my restoril tonight along with the trazadone. I try and not take the restoril every night, but I haven't taken it in a couple nights. I have taken some klonopin, but I just take that when I can't sleep. I think I took 2mg this morning to get back to sleep because I woke up at 7am and couldn't sleep.
Mood was okay today... nothing great, nothing horrible. I didn't feel like going to the store on the bus but I went anyway. I came home and took a nice bath, since I was sitting on the dirty streets waiting for the buses that take forever to get there. I guess I was a bit bitter today, but only for a little while. It's hard figuring out how you are feeling when all you do is sleep and you are tired all the time. I know my therapist would tell me to sleep less, then, and not be so overtired, but it's so hard! I guess it's just because I'm depressed in reality and I don't want to deal with the world. I guess I should put my mood to bad, then, to mark the depression.
Food today was too low again... I did better than yesterday, but I still haven't eaten enough. Today I got about 1,350 calories in. I could fix that with a sandwich or something, but I just can't bring myself to eat any more. I'm stuffed. I have been good about drinking my water, though, and that's a good thing. Hopefully I can keep the weight gain to a minimum. I know my body's in starvation mode, but there doesn't seem to be a thing I can do to eat more. I know tricks for making you feel less hungry, but what about making you feel more hungry? Oh well.
Today was another sleeping day. I didn't have to work, and instead of getting up when I woke up after a decent amount of sleep, I went back to sleep. I've been oversleeping now. I just don't want to do anything but sleep. Sleep is good, sleep is fun, sleep means I don't have to deal with the real world. I can live in my dreams, even if they are just twisted versions of what I go through in everyday life. I need to get out of that funk... I don't know what I did before. I think it was easier because Geo would be awake and I could use the computer, but even now when he's awake I don't use the computer, I go back to sleep. I need to make some sort of pledge to myself to get out of bed after I've had 12 hours of sleep and not go back to sleep. I was going to say unless I have to, but then I will find reasons to have to. I wish I had the mental strength to make that pledge now, but I know I'm going to fail at it if I do it now. What I can do is tomorrow wake up on time and get to work on time. I know that going to work is going to be hard, but I don't do what's easy all the time.
I feel like a hypocrite now... I say I don't have the mental strength to make a pledge to sleep no more than 12 hours, but then I say I don't do things just because they are easy (or something like that). I should clarify that my pledge is for 12 hours, or whatever I sleep through. I fall asleep at different times each night, and so I don't know when 12 hours for tomorrow is going to be until I fall asleep tonight. I don't want to have to worry about setting an alarm. I know tomorrow my alarm is going to be set for noon, and I'm going to get up at that time. I will fall asleep before midnight tonight hopefully, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'm going to take my restoril tonight along with the trazadone. I try and not take the restoril every night, but I haven't taken it in a couple nights. I have taken some klonopin, but I just take that when I can't sleep. I think I took 2mg this morning to get back to sleep because I woke up at 7am and couldn't sleep.
Mood was okay today... nothing great, nothing horrible. I didn't feel like going to the store on the bus but I went anyway. I came home and took a nice bath, since I was sitting on the dirty streets waiting for the buses that take forever to get there. I guess I was a bit bitter today, but only for a little while. It's hard figuring out how you are feeling when all you do is sleep and you are tired all the time. I know my therapist would tell me to sleep less, then, and not be so overtired, but it's so hard! I guess it's just because I'm depressed in reality and I don't want to deal with the world. I guess I should put my mood to bad, then, to mark the depression.
Food today was too low again... I did better than yesterday, but I still haven't eaten enough. Today I got about 1,350 calories in. I could fix that with a sandwich or something, but I just can't bring myself to eat any more. I'm stuffed. I have been good about drinking my water, though, and that's a good thing. Hopefully I can keep the weight gain to a minimum. I know my body's in starvation mode, but there doesn't seem to be a thing I can do to eat more. I know tricks for making you feel less hungry, but what about making you feel more hungry? Oh well.
Replies
how true it is, it seems the more one stays in bed and sleeps or just doesnt get up the more tired we feel. and with depression it is so hard to motivate oneself. we have to try though and get up and do something, anything. with the sore muscles, have you tried using a heating pad, i use one on my knee and it helps a lot. dont beat yourself up about the walking, i know you want to do the 5k, but you are in a different place right now then last, and if you can do it do it if not dont give up, keep on walking, you will only get stronger and none of it is your fault. with all the sleeping does your body go into starvation mode? i have heard that we need mininum of 1200 to function properly, more if one exercises. there are many days i want to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world, and lately, even with nala, i have been very tired too and dont care about much, except nala and my kitties. i hope today brings you some happiness. hugssss