Ex-Dad
My ex-dad called this morning, leaving a message on my voice mail, demanding that I come over and buy food and medication for him. He makes over 4000 a month while I'm lucky if I clear 2000. I'm commissioned so you never know. No apology was offered for cursing me out the other day. Instead he said it was nothing.
I'm worried about him. He is a pain in the you know what, but at 84 it makes things complicated. Still, I'm barely making ends meet myself and the over 40, 000 dollars I've given him over the past two years meant nothing to him. He even told me that no one had ever done anything for him. I even moved in with him to help him financially and he tortured me until I moved out. And now he wants me to lose my home, my medication, my lively hood to provide for him. How incredibly cold. I'd say he hates me at this point.
So, here's what I did. I called him back and was lucky enough to get his voice mail. I told him that I loved him and that I expect an apology from him. What he did was not "nothing" as he put it. I also told him that he had two days to get in touch with me. After that his telephone number will be blocked on both my lines and he will cease to exist in my world.
I reiterated that I love him and told him, "but if no one loves you, then you have to love yourself more and I'm choosing to love myself more."
I am in touch with my cousin who is a minister, so he is counseling me on this based on what God wants for me. I'm taking one day at a time and facing some rather obvious points--if it looks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it's probably a duck.
Fact: My ex-dad does not love me. Never has. Never will. And it's time I face facts.
I'm worried about him. He is a pain in the you know what, but at 84 it makes things complicated. Still, I'm barely making ends meet myself and the over 40, 000 dollars I've given him over the past two years meant nothing to him. He even told me that no one had ever done anything for him. I even moved in with him to help him financially and he tortured me until I moved out. And now he wants me to lose my home, my medication, my lively hood to provide for him. How incredibly cold. I'd say he hates me at this point.
So, here's what I did. I called him back and was lucky enough to get his voice mail. I told him that I loved him and that I expect an apology from him. What he did was not "nothing" as he put it. I also told him that he had two days to get in touch with me. After that his telephone number will be blocked on both my lines and he will cease to exist in my world.
I reiterated that I love him and told him, "but if no one loves you, then you have to love yourself more and I'm choosing to love myself more."
I am in touch with my cousin who is a minister, so he is counseling me on this based on what God wants for me. I'm taking one day at a time and facing some rather obvious points--if it looks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it's probably a duck.
Fact: My ex-dad does not love me. Never has. Never will. And it's time I face facts.
Replies
I support you one hundred percent. You are doing the right thing for yourself. Your minister cousin is right. You have to put yourself as number one. God first of course and then yourself. When you love yourself, you are better to love other people. You won\'t accept the crap that your dad has given you since birth anymore. Loving and respectful people don\'t treat other people the way that your dad has treated you. I am glad you are standing up for yourself and not taking the crap you dad has given you over the course of many years. I am proud of you. From Diane B.
Sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
((((HUGS))))
Karl
A \"dad\" that wants you to lose everything for the good of him is only putting himself first. Over time I have read your journals and couldn\'t believe what this man has put you through! A clean break is the best thing you can do for your own sanity. I pray he doesn\'t call you in the time you gave him. I think I would have given him less..you have made the best decision...hugs, Ellen
You need to look after yourself....take care my friend, Hugs Lu Ann
I agree with everyone else,you need to start taking care of you now.I also have read your journals and I have to say you have been a very loving daughter,I would have given him the boot a long time ago.He is a very selfish man,and you don\'t need that in your life,you have been through enough.You take care.
Hugs Sadie
Ditto what everyone has said....I think it\'s time that you think about you, time to realize that no matter what you or anyone else does for him it\' s not going to be enough, correctly or what HE wants you to do. I had to do this with an ex, had to finally realize that no matter what I did or didn\'t do, nothing would be correct as long as it was me trying to hold/keep us working....maybe if I was brainless and did exactly what he wanted it would\'ve worked, but then I wouldn\'t have been true to myself, sorry you have to endure this as I know it\'s not easy to give up....stay strong, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...hugs, Sandi
If it is \'toxic\' to us we truly have no choice, if we want to live \'well\', and that is to move ahead with caring for ourselves.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia