Everythings moving ahead

   I feel really good today. getting lots of responses to my ads for work. I have one for Muskoka to be a chef and I was really thinking about it, but that kind of change is a bit scary right now for me. Things seem to be falling into place here and I'm just not sure now.
  I had this one other friend on here that's a special person to me, but her last entry on here is back in 2010. I feel inside of my heart that something bad has happened to her. we kept contact for a long time, but now there's nothing. I think she may have passed away. I was answering messages on my journal and i came across some of her last messages, and I thought she was back. i started answering them, but then realized the dates. Fucking let down. I really wish I knew what happened.
  As for other things, it's going well. One guy answered my ad and wanted me to start today, but i didn't see his message until late morning. It's just a matter of time before I'll be working again. I can feel it already. I feel very good about things.
   I got a sponsor last night at the meeting. He's a good guy. Been clean for seven years. Knows the drug and drinking life. Used to be a rastafarian. but doesn't have the dreadlocks anymore. I picked him because he seems very sincere about staying sober. He volunteers with addicts, and is involved with helping a church. He seems to work a good program.
 
    I also picked him because I know I need to work on my feelings about black people. I'm not prejudice, but prison has left me with bad feelings about black people. I try not to have them, but I know they are there. It's not just black people either. I have bad feelings about Indian people too. Not natives. That mostly comes from my experiences with some in Kitchener where I used to live. I'm not vocal about it, but it just plays in my head at times. When I do interact with them, I am respectfull. I keep my thoughts to myself, and try to treat them as I would want to be treated.
   So, anyway. That's about my day so far. I deleted that other job that was in Brampton. I think that she just felt it would be too hard for me to do it. I had my hopes up, but I too realize that it most likely would be far too hard for me to be reliable. I feel alright though because I'm getting other responses that are more suitable. I feel it's just a matter of time before something good happens. Just have to hold on. Thank you so much Lord. And Thank you, Amy. Love ya always. James


   Back again. Boy now I'm feeling down. I was sure this other job was going to go good, but I phoned the guy and he said he already has two people for today. Shit!!! The other job in Muskoka wanted me to phone today, but I was hoping on this other job so I didn't phone. Damned it!!!
   I want to work so bad. I know I really get my hopes up for things, so I'm going to try and take it easy. I have to. Nothing I can do. But I get that stupid feeling of, "It's the end of the world." Now I have no prospects going. I suppose I will get some tomorrow.
  I'm going to go to this place to put my name on a waiting list for an apartment. The rent is subsidized, so it will be cheap. My sponsor told me about it yesterday, and it's not far. I think that's it for today. Go to a meeting tonight, and be good and stay sober. Thank you, Lord.