everything happens for a reason

so i just read my last entry....i was at my breaking point but that continued on that way for almost 2 more years...spending nearly $300 a week on food...filling a 10 gallon trash can with vomit every night...having major anxiety about going to work and performing to keep my place as "the insurance sales goddess"....hating my job and the anxiety i had while there...there were so many days i cried at my desk and also on the way home...there was even one day i just shut down and did not react or speak to anyone other than my customers on the phone, because i knew i was either going to scream or break down to the point of no coming back....
at first with the bulimia i lost so much weight...got right down to my lowest weight again...so i was exhausted, stressed, sickly looking, alone, and angry...i didnt go out anymore...i only went out to the gym or to obtain food upon food upon food and sneak it into the house....but after 2 yrs went by i dont know if i got lazy with it or my body started responding differerntly....but i stated gaining weight....and of course then everyone thinks im "getting better" when in reality i had never been worse....
the anorexic in me knew i had to stop b/p or else i was gonna get fat....the rational person in me knew i had to stop for the quality of life aspect not just the weight loss/maintenance/gain whatever the situation was....everyday i would decide ok today is the last day im b/p, tomorrow ill stop...id throw out all my binge food....only to find myself buying more the next day....i was in deep and came to the realization i could not do this on my own...i was an addict...stuck in a vicious cycle...i was deluded to think that i could stop this on my own....i did not want to go to rehab or into a program so i thought that perhaps going on a vacation for a week would be enough to break my cycle...id be removing myself from the environment where the disorder thrived.....so i obtained my passport and explored my options....however life had a different plan in mind....
because id been gaining weight id begun doing mutliple exercise sessions a day to try and combat the extra pounds....so i was on my first 10 mile bike ride of the day when my water bottle fell out of the holder, hit my bike's chain and sent me flying.....i broke both bones in my left wrist (the bone actually broke through my skin), and my right elbow.... i had 2 surgeries one of the wrist and the other on the elbow...my left wrist now has 2 plates and 20 screws in it and my right elbow has two pins in it....
breaking my arms is THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME! .....funny right? well let me tell u y...
it broke my b/p hell....i couldnt do anything with my arms so b/p was impossible....i couldnt drive to get the food and i couldnt even get my arms to my face so no throwing up....I AM FREE FROM BULIMIA and i swear ro god i am NEVER going back there....i got my get out of jail free card and im taking it....it's been over 2 months since my last b/p session....the extra weight has come off and i now have a killer and cut body....
i have been out of work since my accident in april....and the stress i had been allowing to run my life and fuel my bulimia has been lifted....i have been actively job searching because i know i CANNOT go back to that job....the money was killer but im sorry money is not everything....i have 2 interviews this week and i have faith that everything will work itself out even if i dont get either of these jobs...
i have actually been socializing....laughing....swimming...tanning...reading...organizing...learning to slow down and sit with my thoughts....i have never been this at peace with myself....
obviously 2 months in i am much better in the arms department...im on the mend...i could go back to bulimia if i wanted at this point...but nope...never....that's the thing about bulimia...u dont realize how far u r in until it's too late..
i have been given unitl 8/15/16 before i have to return to work....and i just really wanna walk in there and hand them my 2 weeks notice....
they say if nothing changes then nothing changes....i know going back to geico i would just be stressed out, miserable , and angry rich melissa....i want better for myself...i want freedom....i want peace