Every Day Stuff, I Guess...

Hmm, so I tend to type a lot. I try to keep it short, but feel my emotions won't get across in a short entry. So, just warning people ahead of time. Oh, I just realized, I'll put a subject topic above each thing in each entry. So if I went to the doctor that day and also had to help my friend, I'll made separate paragraphs (or groups of them) each with "Went To Doctor:" and then the next would be "Friend Had A Problem, I Had To Help." I could also put those subject entries in bold. So there's the Journal, then the subjects of each thing I speak of in the journal. Well, that concludes all the initial talking. Now to today's stuff!
          Hospitals & My Dad:
I'll list what I think of staying in a hospital, as well as a few of the many times I had to go below, but for now, I need to speak about my dad. If you pray, please pray. If not, please understand how I feel. Well, dad is very overweight. He isn't my first daddy (daddy is what I call my first, dad is what I call my current), but I love them both the same. Daddy passed on from lung cancer which spread throughout his body until his personality disappeared and then his body followed. He was half of my world, because I was always with my parents. That happened 12 years when I was 16. Now for the past 10+ years, I've had Dad, whom is very different, but whom I came to understand over time and eventually stopped calling by name, but instead call Dad. I told my parents I wouldn't call some guy dad if I didn't love them just as much as I do Daddy. So he and my mom were happy about that. Now, he's heavily obese. At least 400lbs now (he has lost some, so he was higher than that). He'd suffered a major injury, nearly fatal, when he was helping with the beams they use for billboards, and he was ordered into the pit, when it slipped from the grip of the machine and smashed him inside that hole where the pole for a billboard goes. Doctors assumed he would die. He didn't. When it fell, he shouted out "Jesus help me!!!" and was taken to the hospital. His scars are gigantic. His legs were so messed up that they still feel like they are on fire and look like it too, dark red, and that was over 30 years ago! Now he doesn't walk much, as I don't either since my back is messed up. So it's hard to get things done. Back to why he was just the hospital emergency room for several days and only recently got out. It wasn't a blood clot, thank God. He had bad oxygen levels, and was extremely sore and in pain on one leg, more than usual. So he had to go. It looked bad, and we still don't have a clear answer, but the swelling has gone away. However, to make things work better, such as to get his blood oxygen to go higher (it was in the 60s, which is BAD if you don't know. Most of the time, in the 60s, you can't stand no matter how light you are, and you can't form sentences either). So now it's better. However, he was put on new meds along with his old ones. 5 new meds. Every med, since I've experienced it firsthand when they put me on a new one, has at least one bad side effect that occurs. If the list of possible side effects is 20+, you're likely not getting ALL 20, but you will most likely have one happen. So now his personality is working like it does when his oxygen is low, but his oxygen isn't low at all! He's on oxygen tanks now. It's being pushed in soo that he can breathe it without effort like when he has sleep apnea issues. This low oxygen personality I mention is a really goofy personality, like someone whom is a nice drunk, and is really drunk, but not with bad balance at the same time. So he will walk by me, say something silly, and go on. Can't let him drive like that, and neither my mom nor I can drive. Mom because of her legs, myself because of seizure activity. So we may have to once again get my uncle to drive us. I dislike that, since my uncle gets upset about helping us. If I could help someone, I'd help and be happy to do so! Perhaps my uncle will change someday! I pray every night that he does. So I've seen dad go by my room several times now, turning to look at me, and just going "blarghblarbleh!" "I said blarghblah!" and I'm just thinking "Okay, is he messing around? Is this actually an issue going on? Or is he just being silly? He has his footing, so his oxygen isn't low, or I'd notice that immediately in how he walks... what is happening?! Help!" Then I pray. So take the meds he has, add 5 more. Now we have around 10 meds or so. It could be due to 1 med, one of the 5 new ones interacting with each other, several of the new ones interacting with each other? What if it's one or more of the new ones acting strangely with an older one? Is it because of his blood thinner? Wait, no, he has been on blood thinners a long time in the past. Maybe he took too many of something? I doubt it, Mamma usually controls our pills since dad and I forget when or if we have taken them sometimes. Gah, what is it? Plus I know Mamma already said she won't let him drive in that state! OH, I NEED TO GET HIS KEYS TO HER! Since my grandpa had alzheimerz', I recall him attempting to drive or go for a walk when out of his head completely, so we'd end up not knowing where grandpa was, or hear the car start up only to dash to the door and stop him. Gotta get the keys... agh" I pray about that as well. I pray a lot, since I believe in Christ. Skip the next part (past the indented text or to the next topic) if you want to avoid me explaining how so many "Christians" actually don't do what they are supposed to do according to their own God! I'm not forcing things on you, I just feel I need to tell people what Christians are supposed to do, as opposed to what many of them do very wrong. I never force Christ on anyone, for Jesus Christ Himself said not to force it. He said if they won't receive Him, to just stop trying. If they wouldn't hear, dust off your feet and teach elsewhere. So know that when Christians try to force God on you, that's not what they are supposed to do. Bashing and hating on people is not okay with Jesus Christ. He told us not to judge, for we are not judges. So upon hearing that, I bet a LOT of people whom have encountered Bible bashers/holier than thou people, might think "Wait, Their God said that?!" I also mention to people that we aren't religious, rather, we have a relationship with Jesus Christ Son Of God so that we can reach The Holy Father God and have The Holy Spirit. Religion is OCD on overload. I don't go "If I read the Bible, I get an extra point!" or "The more people I talk to about Jesus, the better I am!" None of that stuff! It's all because we want others to know the peace one feels when they have given themselves away to Jesus Christ, and there are no longer any true worries, just very temporary things of the world, not something we should concern ourself with when it comes to The Holy Kingdom Of God. So that's all I wanted to say to you, not force you, just set something straight. Not religios, we aren't supposed to force Jesus on you, and we are NEVER supposed to hate ANY person, ever. We are in fact to save up all our hatred for evil spirits (demons as you might hear of them) so that our hatred for them is a perfect hatred. The people that do evil, however, we are to love and pray for. NEVER hate them. Even when a family member of mine stole my dying daddy's ashes, art (a great artist in all manners, painting, drawing, poetry, sculpture, and more), then even burnt his last written message to my mother, mine only saved because my uncles saved it. His clothing was stolen, all of his belongings but just a few leftovers, and my mother and I were even called by this family member out, saying we hated daddy, that we beat him, that we starved him, and so on. Despite all of that, despite her, and her children trying to make us hated in our own family, most of my daddy's uncles saw right through the lies, the slander, broke into her house and brought back what they could find, including his ashes so I would then spread them. Despite the fact that daddy told me to go on a trip to the mountains when he was close to dying, which I was forced to do by my mamma. All so he wouldn't be seen dead by my own eyes. They even said "where were you when he died? Having fun in the mountains states away?" but I replied "No, he didn't want me to see him die, so he made me go, I wanted to stay!" and she just starts going off on me with every curse words there is. She'd even gotten him, when he was out of his mind, to secretly while momma was at work, sign her over as power of attorney. Despite ALL OF THAT I no longer hate her. I forgive her for having done my mother, daddy, and myself, such wrong. I cannot forgive sin, but I can forgive personal actions. See, we were told to forgive even our enemies. She made herself an enemy of us on purpose, and now I just forgive her every day and night. I do it with truth, so that if my mind were read right then, the reader would know I literally meant I forgive her and all involved. So yeah... Christians are not supposed to hate people. If someone says they are a Christian and yet they show hate towards you, they are not doing as Christ said! I just wanted to fix up those misunderstandings, because so many people hate Christians because "we are pushy, hateful, mean, never go away, make everything bad, judge, act holier than thou, and so on" and yet we are told to do absolutely NONE of that! We are told the opposite. If my body were okay, and you were my neighbor, I don't care what you believe in, be it a religion, Christ, or nothing, I'd be out there to help you take care of your yard or with any construction you need done, and I wouldn't charge you money or hold you for any future favors. We're supposed to love others, to treat them well. If you borrowed money from me, I wouldn't EVER expect interest. Even if it took you 15 years to repay. Shoot, I'd probably just give it to you instead. So you can see, we are misrepresented by many things, much of which is our own people who don't do a good job listening to Christ! Then you have the media, and so on.  

          Hospitals & Myself:
There has been a lot of going to the emergency room in the past few years. I'm praying that stops happening so often. Usually it isn't my mom, but my dad or I instead. I have a lot of health things going on, yeah, but most of them can be treated at home. However, at other times like when I was far weaker than normal, I went to my doctor and he ran some tests, eventually saying "You're a shell of your usual self, Chris. You're pale normally, yes, but now you are so pale it's concerning, as if you were albino. I've checked your blood, you have lost, slowly over 6 months, over half of your blood platelets. I'm sending you to the emergency room today, I'm sorry, I know you can't stand being at hospitals or forced somewhere..." So take away half of the part of your blood that actually carries things to your organs, and it's no wonder my body was so pale. My pain level from nerve disease was nearly gone since I could hardly feel. I had stars in my eyes all the time and couldn't walk. I couldn't see any color in my lips, nose, anything other than my red hair. My eyes were pretty messed up as well. So there I go, to my room at home to get a bunch of things to pass time so I wouldn't go crazy, and then right away to the hospital, where I spent several days in bed there (another bed besides my normal one, yay!), with several units of blood to be taken in. I looked at all these bags, compared it to my body which is not overweight, actually lacking fat, and stands at maximum 5' 2". I thought "If they found this much blood in my room all pooled up in a bucket, they'd think I was dead and only continue to look for a living person out of desperation! Wow, how am I alive?! Still nothing compared to when I did lose every single sense I had at age three due to being so sick that I remember almost nothing, and my parents were told I was probably going to die. I remember being able to hear a little bit, nothing more. No seeing, smelling, not even feeling. It was right after Easter, and a 3 year old me had walked slowly up to my daddy, and collapsed. Then there are all those times I've had bad pneumonia. That time my leg was going to be amputated if I were not so great at taking care of it, the times cars have directly hit my body, and so on. I just dislike going there and being told by the nurse to sleep, "you must sleep! Your body needs it!" and yet they come in every 15 minutes all day and night, waking me to check on me. I can't get to sleep that fast unaided anyway! So yeah, hospital is a very annoying place to me, also since I have to use catheters in order to urinate most of the time. So I'll already have several tubes in my arms, then gently move the stand, and use a catheter tube to urinate. Argh.

          Decided To Sign Up Here:
I have decided to come back to this site after so long. It's a nice site from what I remember. Many people that want to help you and talk to you about even your problems. I don't plan on talking about only problems, but also I want to make friends. I wish I could find my friends from before I lost my account here due to losing my memory before. It's okay, I won't lose it again. I have a very secure way to store all my account info offline and no one would be able to access it even if they got ahold of it. I also make copies now! No more forgetting! Nice to be back, everyone! I can't wait to make friends again. I miss them all. Perhaps I'll find some of the ones I knew from before. Problem is I forgot the names. I tend to forget names easily, even my own at times, even my mother's name, so it's not like I forgot those names out of not caring for the people I had friendship with here. I may forget names, but I certainly remember conversations. So to remember those names now, I'm going to make some files with text in them, text between a person and myself, then name it after the person. That way if someone says hi to me and I don't remember the name, I can read a little of what I've kept saved under their username to recall them right away! Hmm... good idea! Gonna do that for sure!