Every day lately... a new journey thru hell....

I don't understand how a person can claim to " love " you when they're simultaneously threatening to physically harm you, or even worse they're actually throwing things at you with the purpose of harming you ! In what universe is that love ?! If that's love to them then they truly don't know how to love. I do recall a very shocking story he told me a long time ago about extreme physical abuse he was put through as a child by his biological mother. This happened for an unknown period of time before finally he was taken away from his mother, and put in the foster system. Eventully he was adopted by the Beldens. I say " unknown period of time " because he's never come out and told me how many years he lived through that terrible abuse. I'm assuming that he's probably either blocked it from his memory, or it happened so long ago that he's simply forgotten. Either way, any part of it that he forgot is a blessing, since the details of the abuse were horrific. I just hope that his biological mom either was arrested, and spent a very long time in prison, or she was put in a mental institution for a very long time. 

So is it any wonder why he is the way he is in relationships ? 

Yet still I would think that he's old enough to be aware of this enough to somehow manage to show at least some compassion, and caring, towards his " loved one ", if not true love towards them. 

I'm not an expert by any means, since I don't have any sort of degree, or license in psychology. I'm simply going by my gut feelings about the entire situation, and basing things from the background knowledge I have about him. Plus I have to factor in the added complications that he's severely bi-polar, ocd, and several other disorders connected to his need to control everything and everyone around him - and to have " his way " in everything in his life. That last disorder is one of the most frustrating for me to deal with, since it makes me want to yell at him sometimes... " Wake up ! Wake up, open your eyes, and see the reality around you ! Life isn't that simple ! Life just isn't that easy, and doesn't always go exactly the way we want it to ! " 

That's what I've wanted to say to him many times lately, but I haven't dared. I say haven't dared because it's been bad enough when I've said one small sentence that he feels I'm " wrong " for saying. I wouldn't dare say even more than that that I know would piss him off ! Lately just one sentence, or even a few words, have been enough to throw him into an instant raging fit ! By raging fit I mean a full-blown fit complete with a lot of throwing things at me, and all over the place, as well as a lot of threats of physical violence towards me ! 

Is it any wonder that him and I don't have a love life ?! 

How can we possibly be romantic when he's been so damn hateful and full of rage towards me ?! And he acts shocked and angry that I get jealous of the women he chats with on facebook ! I'm only human !!!! When you add two and two you can't help but get four ! I can't help being suspicious. I wonder if since he's being so angry towards me, then maybe he's saving his compassion and niceness for Other women ?! Wouldn't that be only natural to wonder ????