Every day I find a new reason to hate myself

Today, I pissed off my girlfriend. Because she was upset, and I was upset, but I hid my pain from her, so I could take care of her. And that really... Really made her mad. I know I lied, I don't like lying to her, I dont want to lie to her. I had good intentions I just handled things the wrong way. And I hate myself for that. And I hate that I eat. And that I cry. And that i'm always so angry and depressed and emotional. So I feel like I should be punished somehow. That's usually what triggers the self harm. I feel like I deserve the pain. And to my very core, I believe that I deserve it.