ES Birthday
Tomorrow is our ES birthday. I have no way to contact him since he has blocked every possible way and I don't know for sure even where he lives. How do you get through this first birthday without EC? Guess I need some insight from those of you who have done this. Right now the anticipation is probably worse than the day will be.
Yesterday the school called about our 9 yr old GS trying to reach our ES. I told them I was sorry but I have no idea where he is or where he working now since he quit the good job he had. The GF and her family I am sure are listed as contacts and not us. Two and a half years ago we had custody of our then 9 year old GD for 6 month to help her. I am afraid that if GS is in a bad place that ES will either place him with one of GF's family who are ignorant and uncaring or foster care than with us. Is there any thing we can do to make sure, we as blood relatives, would have the child placed with us if this comes to that? There are 5 girls and 1 boy in the total family for which ES is responsible. So of course the only boy is greatly out numbered and doesn't get a lot of attention. There are two male "cousins" but they are older and bigger and tend to bully GC. Can I contact a lawyer? Children's Services? The last thing is that I want is for him to be bullied by GF's family or go to foster care if he is having problems. Of course I am jumping to conclusions but I suddenly feel that I need to know things about custody in case it is ever needed and what rights we may have? Is our lawyer our best resource? The children are always the innocent victims in all of this.
Yesterday the school called about our 9 yr old GS trying to reach our ES. I told them I was sorry but I have no idea where he is or where he working now since he quit the good job he had. The GF and her family I am sure are listed as contacts and not us. Two and a half years ago we had custody of our then 9 year old GD for 6 month to help her. I am afraid that if GS is in a bad place that ES will either place him with one of GF's family who are ignorant and uncaring or foster care than with us. Is there any thing we can do to make sure, we as blood relatives, would have the child placed with us if this comes to that? There are 5 girls and 1 boy in the total family for which ES is responsible. So of course the only boy is greatly out numbered and doesn't get a lot of attention. There are two male "cousins" but they are older and bigger and tend to bully GC. Can I contact a lawyer? Children's Services? The last thing is that I want is for him to be bullied by GF's family or go to foster care if he is having problems. Of course I am jumping to conclusions but I suddenly feel that I need to know things about custody in case it is ever needed and what rights we may have? Is our lawyer our best resource? The children are always the innocent victims in all of this.
Replies
I can\'t advise you on your gs but as to the birthday of your ES, the actual day won\'t be as bad. You need to get up that morning and plan to do something for you. Or call a friend the day before and set up lunch or shopping. And then pause to remember to honor yourself, you gave birth to one of God\'s children, raised him and now give him back to God to continue working in him.
If you have evidence of neglect, then a call to Children\'s Services is called for. If you have concerns, since I don\'t know your jurisdiction, then a lawyer may give you advice.
I\'m praying for you.
Don\'t assume that your son will place him with anyone other than blood relations. Without knowing all of the details, I would ask the school for their insight and help. It may not hurt to let them know what\'s been happening - that may help them to understand whatever has been happening with your GS. I would also speak with a good lawyer that specializes in family law. It\'s quite possible that given the children may be starting to have problems at school that child welfare people may intervene. As the school made the initial contact, it\'s not you interfering. Additionally, as their grand parents, both you and your husband may have rights to see the children on a regular basis (especially since that\'s an established relationship dating back years. It helps that your GC lived with you as well). It\'s definitely worth making the inquiries. If it were me, I\'d reach out to the experts.
I can relate to you. Last year was my ED 1st bday estranged from us. I also didn\'t know where she was. I sent a card with our address on it and Please Forward. I had a check inside. She got it and sent the check back thanking us, but said she couldn\'t accept it. I got excited thinking that was the begining of the end, but there\'s been no further contact. This year I still sent a card; no check. I wanted to, but husband didn\'t. Do something nice for yourself. I planned a trip, so I would be focused on something else.
As far as GC in MN the schools have social workers. You can talk privately with them and nothing needs to be told to your ES. That way they can give you advice how to proceed. If they live close I would think you\'d be able to volunteer with class trips, parties, tutoring etc. That way you\'d still have contact. MN also has grandparent rights, but I\'ve been told to be cautious as some have obtained restraining orders.
Thank you all so much for your responses. Very valuable information. DH and I will have to do something that we want to do together tomorrow. Just keep our minds off of it. Excellent idea to do something for myself/ourselves. I have friends but DH is my very best friend so it is most appropriate to do something with him.
The advice concerning our GS is very good. Yes, I can talk to the counselor who called me and get some guidance. ES wouldn\'t like the idea of me talking to her and she may not be able to say anything to me but I can certainly shed some light on the situation. We have a good lawyer who has helped us in the past that I may need to contact tomorrow to see what he advises. At least it can be on record that we are the kids only blood relative, and those kinds of things. I would love to have visitation also. Volunteering at the schools is an excellent idea also.
Thank you all for your help, care, insight and support. Hugs