Erev Shabbat (Sabbath Eve)

It is late Fri afternoon, Shabbas comes in. I am at my parents house in Monsey. I was originally supposed to stay home and go to friends for dinner tonight and tomorrow for lunch. But I was feeling so stressed out that I only wanted to be with my mommy and my daddy. I need to be somewhere where I know I am not being judged, where I am loved and it is unconditional.  My three stepdaughters who live here in the States are all upstate at Clearwater Estates. My SIL, TH and her family are up there as well. My other SIL is in Israel. I really miss the relaxing Shabbatot upstate at Clearwater. I miss seeing all our friends up there. I hate that I am no longer part of Barry's family. I had always thought of his family as mine and as an additional blessing that I had gotten along with the blessing of Barry. How wrong I was. I grew up in a family where all love was unconditional. I grew up in a family where the concept of "I am not talking to you" did not exist. I grew up in a family where we talked about our feelings and were honest and open with one another. Barry's family was never really like that. But, I still thought...well, what I thought is now irrelevant. The fact is, I am persona non grata to his family, and all only because I want to keep what is MINE.  Z told me that I do not "need" such a large house (our house is a modest 4 BR home, but the rooms are quite generous).  I told her that is correct, but it is MY house, my HOME, and I have an emotional attachment to it -- an attachment which she and her sisters refused to develop. It is so chutzpadik of them to suddenly lay a claim to that which they rejected for the past 9 years.   I am looking forward to Shabbat with my parents. It will be quiet and relaxing. I am going to a very dear and good friend of mine here for lunch tomorrow. She has been so good to me. I always feel better after having talked to her.  Shabbat Shalom (Peaceful Sabbath) Rachel