Entry 2: Wed, April 11, 2018
This morning I woke up with a lot less motivation and excitment for "turning a new leaf" as I was yesterday. My first thought was: "Oh, great... it's morning again." My second thought was: "I feel like doing absolutely nothing today...gee, that didn't take long for you give up on; typical you."
It was an easy cascade to put into motion. Next thing I knew, I was letting my anxiety take the driver's seat again and I was beginning to let the worries and stresses of the last week begin to pile up in my brain all under a record time! I tried ignoring my sucky feeling of giving up and my anxiety by watching TV. Sometime during the 24 minute episode, something clicked in my mind and I was reminded of the advice I was given by a friend here on DS. So, I took a deep breath and wished myself a good morning as well as reminded myself that today, no matter what, will be a good day. Period. I physically got out of bed and took the pup out for a walk (because I wanted to, not because I had to).
On my walk I thought about what I WANTED to do today. To be honest, it was rather difficult since all I wanted to do today was waste away the day with Hulu and Netflix with occasional naps. I figured, since I'm trying something new and I don't want to burn myself out, I would come up with a compromise: I would come up with a few tasks that will be productive, yet ones I can still enjoy in the comfort of my home and sweatpants. Maybe tomorrow, I'll actually get out and go somewhere...
One of the things that I wanted to do today was to rewrite a flowchart that one of my co-workers had shared with me. I've come across a lot of flowcharts similar to this one but none of them resonated with me as much as this one. Every since he shared this (last Tuesday) with me, I thought I would wake up in the mornings and copy it once or twice so it will stick into my brain but that didn't pan out as well as I hoped. However, yesterday as my anxiety was kicking into gear, I remember the chart and talked my way through it. Oddly enough, it helped a little. I mean the thoughts didn't completely escape and they did resurface occasionaly throughout the day, but I was able to breath with a little more ease as well as put energy into other things that were souly all about me. It felt amazing, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, even if momentarily. Thinking back to that moment allowed me to gain a little momentum. I realized that I want this flowchart to be part of my daily routine!
I wanted to share this flowchart with y'all! It's writtten in a somewhat joking manner (towards the end) but the message is just as real! I hope that it will help you just as it is helping me :D