...entering new phase..intense cravings!,,,
...from the time I got up this morning until just now..the cravings and the mental manipulations going on in my mind over whether to use or not use have been absolutely off the chain today and the fact that my wife picked up on the change in me only made it worse...I wrestled all day with wanting to use and knowing I can't...wanting to buy a little crack and smoke alone in the house knowing I wouldn't stay here but would go back out and stay gone until tommorow....my minod tried in every way to convince me that I could use and manage the experience and all I could do is hold on and wait for all this to passs which it finally did..I'm sitting at home in control of my actions not trying to control my feelings because you've all told me they will pass and don't have to be connected to my actions...I feel sorry for my wife because I couldn't confirm or deny in detail any of this because I realize she's just too fragile right now to even con template I'm vulnerable to relapse which I know I am for right now...this is a rite of passage that I must go through just like those before me in this fellowship have gone through and for today I'm still standing...thanks guys for preparing me for this day..I'm proud to say I'm still standing...
Replies
You can do it. You alone control your actions.
Proud of you for fighting through this. You can do it, just think of all the bad things it did for you. As with any addict the lying, selling stuff using money and wasting it. Buy yourself something to reward yourself and not drugs. Eventually the cravings will stop. Try to help others that are using. People don\'t like to see you clean because they so want to be themselves. It\'s not worth loosing everything for especially your family and home or your life. You are being strong and you can do this. Even though it\'s been over 20 years I know if I used today I\'d be right back where I was. I\'m never going back there again, It ruined my life. Be so proud of yourself and keep fighting. You don\'t want that. Think of how far you\'ve come.
Warm hugs and we\'re here for you.
Debi