Engagement

Ok so my stupid phone seems to be working today. This is the third time I have tried to post this.

While I was on beach vacation my bf of nearly 2 years proposed to me. So now I am engaged and he is my fiance.

It's weird I don't really feel any different. Idk how I thought I would feel. It is nice knowing he is committed, and my ring is really pretty. But it's strange having to talk about being engaged and people inevitably have random questions that catch me off guard. It makes me feel more abnormal than anything.

Like idk what a wedding is supposed to be like or who to invite. We haven't talked about it much but I'm not sure we can agree on it. I guess I was agreeing more to getting engaged and wearing a ring. Not jumping to a wedding. It's too stressful to plan that right now.

Then I also have rude people insinuating that I am pregnant. I am not.

Then I have my fiance and tons of customers, coworkers, and random people telling me all the bad stuff about marriage and kids. I already have enough negative ideas about that, I don't need more. Can someone please tell me something positive about being married or having a child? I think I have some sick messed up ideas because of my exes.

Another thing is people asking when we are going to have kids. I must have missed where engagement equals kids. Not making the connection there. It also makes me sad because we have both been told by doctors that we have a low chance of ever having kids anyway. And I am on the pill! My fiance's brother had a baby in January. Now every time we visit and he holds that baby, when we leave he wants one too! I told him we aren't even married, quit rushing me!

Good grief I am not ready for this stuff! It's nice to have someone who loves me and will be there no matter what but other people keep bossing us around and telling us unwelcome stuff. I just want to enjoy being engaged at least another year, i.e. go on dates and travel a bit, see some things I never have gotten to, get to know each other better and make more plans, save some money and pay some debt. I just wish people would say something encouraging instead of "oh no you're done for now."

I don't want to be "done for." Or broke, tired, and miserable. What is wrong with people? I just want to be happy that I'm not alone.