Emotionally broken

I've had my son living with me since school started which has been great and I love him to death, I thought at one point I would never see him again and that one day he would blame me for disappearing on him and he would hate me, so it's good that he is with me he makes this divorce process a little easier to deal with. I'm no fool, I do consider myself intelligent and I will admit that I still love her very much considering how much she has hurt me. I know that she is sharing a bed with someone else and sharing those intimate moments that were meant for her and me, knowing that, I still can't shake my love for her, why? I feel like the town fool, I've found that people had seen them together around town together and never told me. I feel as if the world is whispering behind my back how stupid I was. Even knowing this information my heart won't let go. Yesterday as I drove home from work I could only think of the names (Sophia Alicia & Cruz Antonio) those were to be the names of the child we were to have, thoughts of what could have been constantly roam through my mind. I see pregnant women all around me and it constantly forces those sad thoughts down my throat, I'm happy for those women but I think why can't I have that? I understand I may meet someone that will be be able to give me the family I want some day but why have to go through such misery to attain happiness. I want to start dating but I know that I carry too much emotional baggage for it to be fair to the next woman, when will I let go?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

i am so happy you got your son! don\'t EVER let go of him. No matter what happned between you and her. Persistance is key. When he is grown, he will rememer the time you were together, not how hard it was for you to get him back into your life. So do what you must.

I wonder if i will ever have that too (pregnancy). it hurts LIKE HELL! i cannot believe he (my ex) let/accidept our pregnancy. And while everyone now says, \'HOW FORTUNATE you didn\'t have it,\" i am angry, alone, and hurt that i do not have my baby, even alone and single would be better than not at all...or would it be? ...all i know is it doesn\'t matter. It is how it is.

It is so hard what you are going through. Hang in there. Hang though. Get what you need. And you need your son first and foremost! and he NEEDS YOU!
deleted_user
deleted_user

typos above. I rewrote: I am so happy you got your son! don\'t EVER let go of him. No matter what happened between you and her. Persistence is key. When he is grown, he will remember the time you were together, not how hard it was for you to get him back into your life. So do what you must.

I wonder if i will ever have that too (pregnancy). it hurts LIKE HELL! i cannot believe he (my ex) let/did not accept our pregnancy. And while everyone now says, \'HOW FORTUNATE you didn\'t have it,\" i am angry, alone, and hurt that i do not have my baby, even alone and single would be better than not at all...or would it be? ...all i know is it doesn\'t matter. It is how it is.

It is so hard what you are going through. Hang in there. Hang though. Get what you need. And you need your son first and foremost! and he NEEDS YOU!
rudy79g
rudy79g

Everyone tells me the same, \"maybe it\'s a blessing in disguise that she didn\'t get pregnat\", it still hurts the same. I know my son needs me and I need him so very much and he really does make things go away, especially when he tells me that he loves me. I\'m feeling just like you angry and resentful, all I want is to have my family! I have my son for now but I don\'t know how long that is going to last considering how his mother has been since our separation. I will hold strong for him and I just long for the day when I can let go of all the hate and resentment. You hold your head up high as well and we shall overcome this misery.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i wish my ex was like you: wishing he had a family with me. not just happy/miserable i am gone. DUDE! i am still here. I know it is broken. But you can fix shit. Am i crazy to STILL be holding on to that? yep. i am.
deleted_user
deleted_user

it will pass. ...pass, LIKE FRICKING KIDNEY STONE. rawr.
rudy79g
rudy79g

Love erases all rationality from our minds! I don\'t know how long you\'ve been going through your ordeal but for me it\'ll be 3 months on the 20th and I\'m slowy releasing her from my mind but I know a may take a long time. I know most guys aren\'t like me, I do consider myself a family man and that\'s all that I want. Most guys are content with just having someone but I truly want a family. If you ever want to vent I\'m here.
deleted_user
deleted_user

We broke up on Memorial day. So I haven\'t seen him at all for 2 months. Mental change is slow. I wakeup crying almost everyday still.

thanks for being here!