emotional truth

I think I have started to see that very often or habitually I focus

on the emotional truth of a situation but I don't reconcile that with

how I actually feel. I can respect and honor the emotional truth of a 

situation with others or even myself in the position that I am in but

lose sight completely of why I feel like an outsider in my own life at times.

I think maybe that is why I get so twisted inside.

It's starting to make sense. I was driving a sister and a monk to an appointment

today and my mind meandered as we drove and talked.

It was a pleasant good time - nothing eventful - just a very long wait for the doctor

once we got there - and on the way back we shared and chatted about things

that we hadn't shared like before - at least thus was the case for me - I really just

'let go' of inhibitions. I started to dream of becoming an actor at one point...I don't

remember exactly my perspective at the moment that influenced that thoguht - it just

seemed to match my penchant for working very hard to see things in terms of humanity - and expressing it.

I've heard acting as a career that brings the audience emotional expriences

that they don't have themselves - no time for them - or the chance to

delve into thinking about what they experience is.

I also thought about the monastery in Greece...Simonospetra on Mount Athos.

I sincerely want to go back someday. At least I was feeling that a great deal

before we got back to St. Nina's. Again my mind has so many evolutions

and meanderings. I don't know if that happens to others - the changes in ourselves

and subjectivity that just makes us deeply immersed while coinsiding with what

the heck it all means as a person or human being and our place in the world.

Just an opinion of mine, is that we all may be struggling for survival for ourselves

and our tribes in this crazy world - and all that means in terms of complexity and darkness - but I think

we as a people, a race, will find a solution to so many of the planet's problems that we

have caused. I think we will find it rationally eventually - and also I think the idea of

'beauty will save the world' will be a side effect of it - inspiring us on with a momentum towards greater success. :)