emotional breakdown.

last night has to be one of the worse nights i've had ever. i had my first proper emotional breakdown and it was horrible. i just felt total hate for myself and i wanted to harm myself and i've never had that happen to me before, it was one of the scariest experiences of my life so far. i felt like i didnt even wanna be alive anymore. i'm having problems with everything right now. I'm slowly failing at school and i'm missing payments because i have no money and being at home just feels awkward right now and its all a lot to struggle with. plus i have all of my uni things to sort out and my parents hate the idea of me going so i'm having to do it without them knowing. i don't talk to anyone about it, i just keep it all to myself and i know its not good for me but i've always done it and dealt with things by myself. i really have to stop doing this to myself, its not healthy at all. i have exam results arriving tomorrow and i'm really worried because i don't think I've done to the highest standard i set for myself and i think i'll have to re-take. i can do without another blast to my ego like oi had last week but i giess i'll just have to wait and see. so thats me right now.
peace out guys x