Emotional
Hello Sisters of the Heart - the past 2 weeks have been emotional for me with so many thoughts, memories and conflicting emotions. Hunter lives with an "extended family". He considers them family as they have been a part of his life since he was born. Jennifer & Hunter spent holidays, etc with them and Jennifer would house sit/babysit for them many times....I don't consider them my family but it's not about me, it's about where Hunter is happy.. but in saying that, I don't always agree with them. It is what it is and it's all because Jennifer is not here. Of course, my emotions are running high because I want my daughter here with her son because that would be the best for Hunter!!!!
Hunter is not doing well in school - no behavior problems, just grades or lack of grades. Boundaries are kind of wavy where he is living so that doesn't help but it's always easy to "judge" from the outside. Hunter has always struggled with grades off & on because he is so stubborn and because he is so damn smart, he thinks "school is sometimes stupid".....to be 15! Any way Sue called, wanted me to take Hunter for a week-end becaue he had been very argumentative and she was tired...I had him last week-end after I told her I did not want to be a consequence for Hunter being argumentative, but I love having him. Sue is expecting Hunter to do things she doesn't expect her own kids to do....I think she honestly thought that she would save Hunter from his heartache, problems (that he has struggled with for years) and she would be the Savior....she's learning Hunter is not easy (his mom wasn't) but in saying that, Jennifer was a survivor and so smart, people smart.....Hunter is too!
Hunter is so smart, he let me know that he thought it was screwed up that I was used as a consequence but that he'll come over anytime because it's not a punishment....I sure love him....he's my heart. Hunter has made lots of friends and was at one of their houses Friday nite when I picked him up..nice family...He has so many changes and all without his rock, his mom, that I think he is doing okay....
I'm already dreading Mother's Day again....last year I faked it and had a BBQ with Jim's step-daughter and grand kids - I'm not going to do that this year - I'm going to see what Hunter is doing....I just don't do that day very well...the hole in my heart is magnified .......SIGH
I just needed to write tonite - I'm feeling anxious, sad, overwhelmed and angry all @ the same time. I am so sensitive about all of this...we are all doing the best we can do....just wish it didn't hurt so much.
Sending hugs to you all tonite. Thanking you in advance for reading and caring. ((((hugs)))) Vicki
Hunter is not doing well in school - no behavior problems, just grades or lack of grades. Boundaries are kind of wavy where he is living so that doesn't help but it's always easy to "judge" from the outside. Hunter has always struggled with grades off & on because he is so stubborn and because he is so damn smart, he thinks "school is sometimes stupid".....to be 15! Any way Sue called, wanted me to take Hunter for a week-end becaue he had been very argumentative and she was tired...I had him last week-end after I told her I did not want to be a consequence for Hunter being argumentative, but I love having him. Sue is expecting Hunter to do things she doesn't expect her own kids to do....I think she honestly thought that she would save Hunter from his heartache, problems (that he has struggled with for years) and she would be the Savior....she's learning Hunter is not easy (his mom wasn't) but in saying that, Jennifer was a survivor and so smart, people smart.....Hunter is too!
Hunter is so smart, he let me know that he thought it was screwed up that I was used as a consequence but that he'll come over anytime because it's not a punishment....I sure love him....he's my heart. Hunter has made lots of friends and was at one of their houses Friday nite when I picked him up..nice family...He has so many changes and all without his rock, his mom, that I think he is doing okay....
I'm already dreading Mother's Day again....last year I faked it and had a BBQ with Jim's step-daughter and grand kids - I'm not going to do that this year - I'm going to see what Hunter is doing....I just don't do that day very well...the hole in my heart is magnified .......SIGH
I just needed to write tonite - I'm feeling anxious, sad, overwhelmed and angry all @ the same time. I am so sensitive about all of this...we are all doing the best we can do....just wish it didn't hurt so much.
Sending hugs to you all tonite. Thanking you in advance for reading and caring. ((((hugs)))) Vicki
Replies
I had to smile when I read about Hunter\'s problems at school... My son John was very smart and oh my gosh he could be a pain... but I found him a fascinating person... He amused and infuriated me... he refused to take notes... but the truth was he could beat all of us at Jeopardy... he heard something once and it was his... One day he was sitting at his desk refusing as usual to take notes... The teacher was called to the office... she left the classroom and a couple of the other kids were telling John he should at least act like he was taking the notes... why he asked them... instead why don\'t you all just lay down your pens and refuse to take the dumb notes... she can\'t take everyone of us to the office... thankfully they didn\'t listen to him... I honestly didn\'t know what he was doing... I would have been mad... I found out years later... Another thing I remember and have to laugh... he said sometimes he loved to raise his hand when the teacher asked a question... He said mom I know the teacher hesitates to be too critical no matter what I answer because he/she is worried about messing up my precious little psyche... so it doesn\'t matter what I answer... I just get tickled at watching the teacher try to figure out a nice way to respond... They\'ll say something like... well no John that wasn\'t really what I was looking for but I\'m glad to see you\'re thinking.... I can\'t help but be amused at his ability to think through things and to have in my mind some pretty sound reasoning... if skewed... LOL
The good news... after graduation... John ended up after a couple of years with the Sheriff\'s Office which he decided he didn\'t want to continue... said he didn\'t want to spend his whole life seeing the worst that life has to offer... he took a job with Sears... about 6 months later he got a chance to work with Oceaneering; a company that works with Remote Operated Vehicles (ROVs). He has done really well with them and had many challenges that make the job a fantastic match for him...
For several years Mother\'s Day wasn\'t anything but a day to be survived. It went by in such a blur I don\'t even remember if we did anything most of the time... Honestly I was mad... Last year because it happened that Cara\'s son T\'Ben my oldest grandchild turned 21 we all got together... That was actually a blessing... although I was so glad for T\'Ben... He had been afraid of how hard it would be without his mom there... It went better than he thought it would... for me too... We may go to Houma for Mother\'s Day and share it... probably be better than hating and resenting what can\'t be... I hope you and Hunter honor each other and Jennifer... I think that\'s maybe something that would be a blessing to you and Jennifer... Praying for all of us. Hugs Elissa
Sending prayers & love, this path is so painful and frustrating.
My grand daughters are very close to me. They will tell me things they do not talk to Mom about. The twins are 10, I am hoping when they get to that teenage pissy time they can still open up to me. Just show Hunter lots of love and interest. My son grew away from us but when he had to tackle the real world he became very close to me.
Mothers day is not good I still have my daughter but she wants all the attention One year when she was mad at me she asked why I did not wish her Happy Mothers day I had to bite my tongue not to say \" your not my mother\" The other side of the story she would not say Happy Mothers Day to me.....
Sending tight hugs
Penny
Oh Vicki, I so hear your feelings about mother\'s day. I hate it! It\'s a strange day I am sure for all of us & when we are the parent of an only child who now resides in Heaven, I just feel it is a cruel day. We will not hear anyone call us mom on that day. I do try & smile & get through it for my dil and grandchildren but it will never be the same. Not to say it\'s harder for us moms whose only child has passed, it\'s just different. Other moms have to feel the sadness their angel child siblings feel & others aren\'t blessed with grandchildren...it\'s a difficult day for all of us now.
When Sue sends Hunter to you, I am sure Hunter can understand that people that love each other sometimes need a break...your home and time with you can be a refuge and respite for him. As you said, time with you is not a punishment. It\'s a pleasure for you and I bet for him too! A needed break and time to regroup and important time with his grandmother. Sending love & hugs to both of you and of course dearest Jennifer, Linda
I am glad that you and Hunter have a special relationship and get to spend time together. At 15 yrs. old he is old enough to decide where he wants to live. Would you want to have him live with you? I think you two need each other. I will try to get through another mothers\' day, as quickly as possible..
(((HUGS))), Julia