Elephants
I love elephants. I love that they are so intelligent. I love that they live in matriarchal societies. I love that they mourn their dead. I really, really love elephants. Baby girls never leave the herd. The eldest female is the matriarch, she has the most life experience, she knows where to lead her herd for food and water. When the calves are born they are raised by their mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers...the entire herd raises the babies. When the boys reach adololescence they must leave the herd to keep the bloodline pure. Most males live solitary lives and only interact with other elephants when females are in season, but sometimes several males will stick together during their younger years for safety.
I collect elephant figurines, sculptures, etc. For years I made it a personal rule that I wouldn't buy them for myself or accept them from my husband or any other males. The whole of my collection were gifts from my mother, mother-in-law, female friends, and the most precious ones from my daughter. One day I saw one in a store I wanted that was reasonably priced. It was a mother and calf, my favorite. When I was checking out the cashier picked it up and said, "That elephant is crying." I took it from her and looked closely and sure enough, the mother had tears running down her face. I already felt a little weird about buying it for myself, that just made it worse. It caught my eye today and that memory came flooding back and I can't stop crying. I know this might sound crazy...but I feel like I should not have bought it. Now, with the benefit of hindsight...why on earth would I buy myself a figurine of a crying mother and baby??? I never bought them for myself anyway, it was such a point of pride that my collection came from women of all ages who loved me.
I wonder if I knew something, or if I conjured something...did it represent an energy that I was either putting out into the universe or sensing from the universe??? I am throwing that fucking elephant away...but it's too late, too late.
I woke up this morning with a question I wanted to ask Cassi...after all this time...then I remembered.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Replies
Suffering get's easier,,,,,,we get used to the absence......and protect ourselves from too much emotion. Seeing a therapist, and now, a psychiatrist. Feeling better. Somehow. It's six years for me. Love, Abby
Mothers Day 2007... My mother and Cara both gone... I saw a music box and I bought it for myself from my mom and Cara... I believe they brought it to my attention and wanted me to love honor myself as they do... I keep some letters Cara wrote me and some pretty rocks and a heart... I am so glad it survived our flood... Its packed away somewhere... but I'm going to go try to find it and bring it with me to Branson... Will you be at Branson? I should probably know the answer to that... but if I knew... I've forgotten... I forget lots of stuff... sometimes we just have to let our shortcomings not matter... cest la vie...
Why would you not buy something for yourself. This could have been a strong impulse sent to you by Cassi. She see s you crying because she is not in this world, hense the figure of Mom elephant crying and a baby.
Hugs
Penny
Tight hugs. I too think that you were sent that elephant. You are not alone. Love, M
I adore elephants too and how they care for one another. I believe our society could take some heartfelt lessons from nature as how to truly BE with one another. Animals are my healers and I can never imagine life without some kind of fur baby in our house.
Loving care as we walk together, Gina. None of us ever imagined ourselves here nor would we wish this on our worst enemy and no one can ever understand how it feels for us, yet they need to try to imagine, no matter how difficult that might be. I read once that to say, "I cannot imagine" does not bring comfort and rather we need to try to imagine and hold the space for whatever another needs to be feeling. I will never forget reading that as it felt like a new lens to peer through that was being held up for me.
Loving care to Cassi's mom from Douglas and me,
XO