eh

my emotional and mental stability can change so much

it is hard to make plans.

But I just did sign up for another event Arfie - a Native Plant and Eco

Festival on this Saturday morning. So that's something.
I've been kind of getting more oriented to my experience of life

lately - rather than just the fear fueled drive to be self responsible

for my mental state and the running of the household and work.

I went to work today and came home and had lunch.

Work went ok - I'll talk about it with my therapist in a couple of hours.

I don't know if I have to detail it out - I just kind of feel 'eh' or 'meh' -

but something tells me I should detail it out...with her - 

I'll say here in summary - I was feeling very tired at the outset of work

but got comfortable and got momentum and motivated as the day went on.

It felt like I was 'out of sync' with some of the coworkers - but you can't get

along with everyone - and who knows what their day has going..

And something in me kept working away at me - leaving me to wonder if I was

ok or acceptable - until I finally just gave up trying to try to be "ok."

I started to boogie to the MUZAC behind the counter as I packaged up the bread.

I think it's time for another job - or perhaps a pursuit outside of work

which would lead to another job.

I feel overwhelmed by this guy who works with me - he is SO POWER ORIENTED

and it's like his full being just smears me. It kind of left me just letting it all go.

C'est la vie - I did ok work - and sometimes this guy seems so blood thirsty

that any hint of something out of order and he scorns and complains.

Again C'est la vie - I do a good job - never perfect.