Effexor - Day 1 & 2
Things have been really tough this year. Literally from Day 1 of 2016 things have been difficult, and there's been no shortage of suck ever since. It's really gotten to me, and whatever progress I made with my mental health in the last year seems to be all but wiped away by the continuous barrage of crappy life situations.
So a few months ago my Doctor prescribed me Effexor; I asked her for something to help "take the edge off" and to help me recover from this recent downward slide. But I became immediately reluctant to take it after reading stories online about terrible side-effects and withdrawal symptoms.
I had a BAD experience with medication in the past; it was while taking Wellbutrin that I first started to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts. It was a terrible experience and I swore I wouldn't let medication fuck with my brain chemistry ever again.
But in 2011 my Anxiety really started getting bad, and my Doctor at the time prescribed me Cipralex. I was on it a year and honestly didn't feel like it helped me at all, so I stopped it and (again) swore that my days with medication were done.
I spent the next several years convinced that my "mystery illness" (from which I've been suffering since 2006) had to be a physical problem and not a mental health problem. But despite dozens of Doctors and numerous treatments, nothing worked, and I resigned myself to the idea in late 2014 that my physical health symptoms were the direct result of mental illness.
I then began seeking "natural" treatment options because I didn't want to go back to medication. I began meditating and going to Yoga classes semi-regularly (mostly for my back), and while I did see improvements, I was still extremely hypersensitive and burned out, and it wouldn't take much to send me relapsing again.
When shit really started to hit the fan early this year, I thought I could maintain my mental state through meditation alone and occasional exercise. But that didn't happen. Try as I did to meditate regularly and fend off the negative energies life was throwing at me, meditation wasn't enough on it's own. So I sought medication, which my Doctor prescribed for me, but as I explained, was reluctant to start it.
...until now.
Yesterday I took my first pill because my symptoms (physical and emotional) have become so intolerable that I've become desperate.
So, being new on DailyStrength, I figured I should use my journal on here to document my experience with Effexor.
Day 1:
I took my first pill with breakfast. I had Oatmeal; symbolic because when I was prescribed my first antidepressant (Paxil) 20 years ago (1996), I was unable to swallow pills, so I took it by hiding it in Oatmeal so it would be easy for me to swallow. So I took this pill the same way.
Within a few hours I started feeling the effects.
I first noticed that my perspective seemed to be a bit different; I felt a bit "lighter." Things didn't seem as gloomy as they did just a few hours prior. I didn't love the world, but I could tolerate it a little better.
But that's when the side-effects started too. The first one I noticed was Drowsiness. The bottle from my pharmacist has a sticker on it warning of drowsiness, so it didn't really come as a surprise, though it was kinda disappointing. Luckily I was able to take it easy for the rest of the day. I did meditate during this time though, and had probably some of the calmest meditations I've ever had. It was nice.
As the day wore on and I approached lunch time, I noticed that my appetite essentially vanished. I had no problem eating anything for the last few weeks (more or less), including breakfast that morning, but by lunch time, even the thought of certain foods was making me gag! I grabbed something light and ate as much as I could, but didn't finish.
That evening we went to a movie, and as I usually do, I bought a large popcorn and a drink. In recent movies we've seen, I've been able to polish off more than half a bag of popcorn before the movie even starts. On this day, I wouldn't even get 1/4 of the way through by the end of the movie. And that's the only thing I ate; no dinner, because nothing was appealing to me.
But, there seemed to be a change in my mental state, which was positive, so I figured I could live with the side-effects (for now).
Day 1 seemed like a step in the right direction.
Day 2:
We took a step backward today.
I woke up feeling "off." I've felt this numerous times before, but it was a little unsettling. I t kinda "wired." I noticed that my body was quite tense and I had no patience for anything. I felt like I had a little bit better energy than I've had recently, but not by much. The drowsiness didn't seem to be nearly as bad (as consistent) as it was yesterday.
If anything, today I felt like how I've been feeling the last several weeks; rotten.
So, it's become obvious to me recently that I suffer from pretty bad Health Anxiety/Hypochondria (I know there is a clinical difference between the two, but I'll probably use them interchangeably moving forward), and I obsess over every little symptom I experience. It's been this way for at least 10 years, and it's been debilitating; I haven't worked (consistently) in almost 8 years because of it.
4 weeks ago I came down with what I thought was a Flu. It came on suddenly, was situated in my sinuses and throat, and I felt horrible for at least a week or two. I still feel like I'm fighting it off, but I'm actually thinking it wasn't a Flu at all.
One of the initial and lingering symptoms I've been dealing with is what feels like lymph node swelling under my jaw, pain and swelling around my ears, and what seems like a sinus headache (feels like a band around my temples) that tends to come and go.
Last week I sent to see my Doctor about them because I was concerned that I was still feeling these symptoms several weeks after they started. She checked me out and didn't really find anything wrong; she says I might be fighting the tail end of the Flu; I've heard from other people that have been sick recently that they have fought it for up to 6 weeks, so it's possible, I suppose. But, bottom line: she didn't think it was anything to be too concerned with.
But here I am, another week later, and still feeling the same symptoms. However, I'm beginning to think that they are the result of deep-muscle neck tension that's affecting the base of my skull. There isn't any real pain there, though it gets tense/tight from time to time. I've also caught myself clenching my jaw a lot recently, which could explain a few things too. I'm going to try applying heat to my neck to see whether it helps at all; it kinda seemed to a few days ago.
So what does this have to do with Effexor?
Well, yesterday I was able to have enough mental clarity that I didn't concern myself so much over those symptoms, and came to believe that it probably is a muscular thing. More importantly, I didn't panic over the sensations. Today, I did, a little.
I know I shouldn't expect to feel radically different after just one day of medication, but it was disappointing to feel even a little bit better yesterday, only to feel rotten again today.
My appetite is still shit, though I was able to have my Oatmeal this morning, and was able to get through most of dinner tonight. If anything, it's made me REALLY picky about what I want to eat. Fast food? Barf, no thanks. But I'm pretty sure I could polish off a plate of chicken wings with minimal problems.
My mood was pretty bad all day too. Not to the point of breaking down (as has been the case in recent weeks), but definitely not in a good place today either.
So with 2 days down, I'm hoping that I start to see positive changes in the coming days.
So a few months ago my Doctor prescribed me Effexor; I asked her for something to help "take the edge off" and to help me recover from this recent downward slide. But I became immediately reluctant to take it after reading stories online about terrible side-effects and withdrawal symptoms.
I had a BAD experience with medication in the past; it was while taking Wellbutrin that I first started to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts. It was a terrible experience and I swore I wouldn't let medication fuck with my brain chemistry ever again.
But in 2011 my Anxiety really started getting bad, and my Doctor at the time prescribed me Cipralex. I was on it a year and honestly didn't feel like it helped me at all, so I stopped it and (again) swore that my days with medication were done.
I spent the next several years convinced that my "mystery illness" (from which I've been suffering since 2006) had to be a physical problem and not a mental health problem. But despite dozens of Doctors and numerous treatments, nothing worked, and I resigned myself to the idea in late 2014 that my physical health symptoms were the direct result of mental illness.
I then began seeking "natural" treatment options because I didn't want to go back to medication. I began meditating and going to Yoga classes semi-regularly (mostly for my back), and while I did see improvements, I was still extremely hypersensitive and burned out, and it wouldn't take much to send me relapsing again.
When shit really started to hit the fan early this year, I thought I could maintain my mental state through meditation alone and occasional exercise. But that didn't happen. Try as I did to meditate regularly and fend off the negative energies life was throwing at me, meditation wasn't enough on it's own. So I sought medication, which my Doctor prescribed for me, but as I explained, was reluctant to start it.
...until now.
Yesterday I took my first pill because my symptoms (physical and emotional) have become so intolerable that I've become desperate.
So, being new on DailyStrength, I figured I should use my journal on here to document my experience with Effexor.
Day 1:
I took my first pill with breakfast. I had Oatmeal; symbolic because when I was prescribed my first antidepressant (Paxil) 20 years ago (1996), I was unable to swallow pills, so I took it by hiding it in Oatmeal so it would be easy for me to swallow. So I took this pill the same way.
Within a few hours I started feeling the effects.
I first noticed that my perspective seemed to be a bit different; I felt a bit "lighter." Things didn't seem as gloomy as they did just a few hours prior. I didn't love the world, but I could tolerate it a little better.
But that's when the side-effects started too. The first one I noticed was Drowsiness. The bottle from my pharmacist has a sticker on it warning of drowsiness, so it didn't really come as a surprise, though it was kinda disappointing. Luckily I was able to take it easy for the rest of the day. I did meditate during this time though, and had probably some of the calmest meditations I've ever had. It was nice.
As the day wore on and I approached lunch time, I noticed that my appetite essentially vanished. I had no problem eating anything for the last few weeks (more or less), including breakfast that morning, but by lunch time, even the thought of certain foods was making me gag! I grabbed something light and ate as much as I could, but didn't finish.
That evening we went to a movie, and as I usually do, I bought a large popcorn and a drink. In recent movies we've seen, I've been able to polish off more than half a bag of popcorn before the movie even starts. On this day, I wouldn't even get 1/4 of the way through by the end of the movie. And that's the only thing I ate; no dinner, because nothing was appealing to me.
But, there seemed to be a change in my mental state, which was positive, so I figured I could live with the side-effects (for now).
Day 1 seemed like a step in the right direction.
Day 2:
We took a step backward today.
I woke up feeling "off." I've felt this numerous times before, but it was a little unsettling. I t kinda "wired." I noticed that my body was quite tense and I had no patience for anything. I felt like I had a little bit better energy than I've had recently, but not by much. The drowsiness didn't seem to be nearly as bad (as consistent) as it was yesterday.
If anything, today I felt like how I've been feeling the last several weeks; rotten.
So, it's become obvious to me recently that I suffer from pretty bad Health Anxiety/Hypochondria (I know there is a clinical difference between the two, but I'll probably use them interchangeably moving forward), and I obsess over every little symptom I experience. It's been this way for at least 10 years, and it's been debilitating; I haven't worked (consistently) in almost 8 years because of it.
4 weeks ago I came down with what I thought was a Flu. It came on suddenly, was situated in my sinuses and throat, and I felt horrible for at least a week or two. I still feel like I'm fighting it off, but I'm actually thinking it wasn't a Flu at all.
One of the initial and lingering symptoms I've been dealing with is what feels like lymph node swelling under my jaw, pain and swelling around my ears, and what seems like a sinus headache (feels like a band around my temples) that tends to come and go.
Last week I sent to see my Doctor about them because I was concerned that I was still feeling these symptoms several weeks after they started. She checked me out and didn't really find anything wrong; she says I might be fighting the tail end of the Flu; I've heard from other people that have been sick recently that they have fought it for up to 6 weeks, so it's possible, I suppose. But, bottom line: she didn't think it was anything to be too concerned with.
But here I am, another week later, and still feeling the same symptoms. However, I'm beginning to think that they are the result of deep-muscle neck tension that's affecting the base of my skull. There isn't any real pain there, though it gets tense/tight from time to time. I've also caught myself clenching my jaw a lot recently, which could explain a few things too. I'm going to try applying heat to my neck to see whether it helps at all; it kinda seemed to a few days ago.
So what does this have to do with Effexor?
Well, yesterday I was able to have enough mental clarity that I didn't concern myself so much over those symptoms, and came to believe that it probably is a muscular thing. More importantly, I didn't panic over the sensations. Today, I did, a little.
I know I shouldn't expect to feel radically different after just one day of medication, but it was disappointing to feel even a little bit better yesterday, only to feel rotten again today.
My appetite is still shit, though I was able to have my Oatmeal this morning, and was able to get through most of dinner tonight. If anything, it's made me REALLY picky about what I want to eat. Fast food? Barf, no thanks. But I'm pretty sure I could polish off a plate of chicken wings with minimal problems.
My mood was pretty bad all day too. Not to the point of breaking down (as has been the case in recent weeks), but definitely not in a good place today either.
So with 2 days down, I'm hoping that I start to see positive changes in the coming days.
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