eeeeeek but better
So last night I could not control myself at all. I knew that I was going to do something stupid.
I sent an email to Joanna. I had not done that since before going into the hospital. I feel horrible now that I did it. No response, but I understand that- there is nothing that anyone can really do to calm me down. Plus she would not of gotten it until today and there is nothing that she could of done to help me from last night. So I called my father. I cried for at least an hour on the phone with him. He was amazing. Basically said that what happened is not fair for me and I should not have to deal with it. That Carlos clearly doesn't understand certain things etc.
When Carlos left for practice this morning he gave me a kiss goodbye as always. I love it when he does that. Then when he came back he got into bed and snuggled like always which was wonderful. He briefly said he saw dad and talked with him. Then he said, what did you say to your dad about me (or something along those lines). I said "huh" and then he started talking about something else.
So I sent an email to my father saying that. This is what my father responded with. "Yes, Carlos and I did talk. I probably did most of the talking. He gave me the check which provided me an opening to talk about finances. I think he finally got it and I wouldn't be surprised if when you both have some time, he asks to go over with you income and expenses so he gets a better understanding. He said he thinks that at the end of the month he has about $400 left over which I said really was not that much especially if something unexpected happened like a major car repair. He talked about working more hours but I said he needs to stay the course in getting his degree because that will provide for long term financial stability. I also said your financial cushion was about gone and that is one of reasons you were stressed and going to be working at Petsmart and keeping the dog sitting. Plus that you thought keeping busy in those jobs that you like was good for you. Unfortunately, some of his reactions and comments result in you having a guilt trip so he should be sensitive to that. He didn't realize that though admitted that he can get to the point that he gets frustrated/mad like last night... But he gets over it. He said last night he was asleep when you came to bed and was over it when he left. Which you confirmed. He said he didn't also realize your were still struggling until you told him this week. I gave him the example of the chronic illness that you may never completely get "cured" but you are learning to manage and deal with it but it will continue to be a struggle but at different levels. We both agreed that you were looking healthier which is a good thing. Now the anxiety is focused on the financial which he can help with by having a better understanding of the situation and supporting you.
All in all, I think it was a good talk. He comes across as truly loving you but admittedly wants a spouse and not a "roommate" but we discussed that it will be difficult while you are both getting your futures squared away.
So recognizing we can't change other people, but only make sure they are informed, I was thinking what you can do. I think if last night were to happen again, the best you can do is recognize that Carlos will get frustrated every so often and do something like just go to bed and close the door. And when that happens, tell yourself that that is just who he is and he will get over it and be better the next day. Then do what you need to do without guilt. Easier said than done, but that is what I have learned how to deal with Momma Duck ... and life is much better that way. I can't control her actions/reactions but only control. I don't tell what to do but just how her actions/reactions affect me."
Today has been great! Sun shining, and Carlos has been wonderful!
I sent an email to Joanna. I had not done that since before going into the hospital. I feel horrible now that I did it. No response, but I understand that- there is nothing that anyone can really do to calm me down. Plus she would not of gotten it until today and there is nothing that she could of done to help me from last night. So I called my father. I cried for at least an hour on the phone with him. He was amazing. Basically said that what happened is not fair for me and I should not have to deal with it. That Carlos clearly doesn't understand certain things etc.
When Carlos left for practice this morning he gave me a kiss goodbye as always. I love it when he does that. Then when he came back he got into bed and snuggled like always which was wonderful. He briefly said he saw dad and talked with him. Then he said, what did you say to your dad about me (or something along those lines). I said "huh" and then he started talking about something else.
So I sent an email to my father saying that. This is what my father responded with. "Yes, Carlos and I did talk. I probably did most of the talking. He gave me the check which provided me an opening to talk about finances. I think he finally got it and I wouldn't be surprised if when you both have some time, he asks to go over with you income and expenses so he gets a better understanding. He said he thinks that at the end of the month he has about $400 left over which I said really was not that much especially if something unexpected happened like a major car repair. He talked about working more hours but I said he needs to stay the course in getting his degree because that will provide for long term financial stability. I also said your financial cushion was about gone and that is one of reasons you were stressed and going to be working at Petsmart and keeping the dog sitting. Plus that you thought keeping busy in those jobs that you like was good for you. Unfortunately, some of his reactions and comments result in you having a guilt trip so he should be sensitive to that. He didn't realize that though admitted that he can get to the point that he gets frustrated/mad like last night... But he gets over it. He said last night he was asleep when you came to bed and was over it when he left. Which you confirmed. He said he didn't also realize your were still struggling until you told him this week. I gave him the example of the chronic illness that you may never completely get "cured" but you are learning to manage and deal with it but it will continue to be a struggle but at different levels. We both agreed that you were looking healthier which is a good thing. Now the anxiety is focused on the financial which he can help with by having a better understanding of the situation and supporting you.
All in all, I think it was a good talk. He comes across as truly loving you but admittedly wants a spouse and not a "roommate" but we discussed that it will be difficult while you are both getting your futures squared away.
So recognizing we can't change other people, but only make sure they are informed, I was thinking what you can do. I think if last night were to happen again, the best you can do is recognize that Carlos will get frustrated every so often and do something like just go to bed and close the door. And when that happens, tell yourself that that is just who he is and he will get over it and be better the next day. Then do what you need to do without guilt. Easier said than done, but that is what I have learned how to deal with Momma Duck ... and life is much better that way. I can't control her actions/reactions but only control. I don't tell what to do but just how her actions/reactions affect me."
Today has been great! Sun shining, and Carlos has been wonderful!
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