Education
I'll tell you what friends, Melody Beattie's book "Codependent No More" may tell you WHAT you're doing as a codepndent person, John Bradshaw's book "Heaing the Shame that Binds You" tells you WHY you keep doing what you're doing. Family shame, toxic shame, rage, intellectualizing, detailing, and perfectionism all the things I do unconsciously are all devulged. It's good phychology for me. We're all making progress, and this may help me see where I need to re-focus my feelings. I don't even know yet what I'm ashamed of, but I feel the feeling. It is probably what has been bothering me all these years without me knowing it. AND, analyzing all the time IS (can be) an addictive behavior. It's amazing how many 'addictiveness' behaviors are based on toxic shame (there is a healthy shame, not all shame is toxic). I'm still reading, but I'm trying to take breaks too. This way I'm learning and not ruminating and analyzing. (But then again the endless learning is also an adddictive behavior, so I'm not out of the woods yet.) LOL Happy 4th!
Replies
I am so happy to see the progress you made! Love to read and absorb what you learned is a good thing. But I also notice that I have a tendency to relate more negative stuff said on the book to myself. Maybe I just have a little bit of what it says. But I tend to exaggerate to myself. This behavior also affects my mood.
Me Too, the negative stuff though is the shame residuals, I\'m learning. That\'s why it\'s taking me so long to read the book: too much stuff for me to think about. I\'m thinking that my shyness feelings may be a result of some shame I chose to adopt as a child, even though I can\'t remember exactly what it is. Strange...