EDNOS
EDNOS: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
An eating disorder where you have symptoms of more than one disorder.
I have symptoms of anorexia, and bulimia.
I am either restricting, or I am binge eating (purging has been so far controlled)
My disorder is complex. My body changes size and shape several times throughout a year. My weight rises and falls. Sometimes I am thin, cold, tired, hungry. And sometimes I am of "average" weight. I sneak food. I consume enough food in one sitting, to make me feel physical discomfort.
I have figured out some of my triggers. When I am deeply depressed, feeling every emotion to the max, convinced that before I can apply for a job/ attend a social event/ go on a trip, I must first lose weight. So I do. And the more I lose, the more of my sanity is lose with it. I become utterly obsessed with weight loss and order and numbers and exercise and I am always moving always getting things done.
When I am stressed, when I feel like all hope is lost for loss, I gain. I numb my sadness with food, I do not think about numbers and I avoid that damned mirror at all costs. I hide in my room and do not leave the house unless it is necessary. Of course the weight gain makes me even more depressed, and it will get worse and worse until I end up restricting again.
My disorder is loss and gain. Madness and sadness. Order and chaos. There is nothing in between.
An eating disorder where you have symptoms of more than one disorder.
I have symptoms of anorexia, and bulimia.
I am either restricting, or I am binge eating (purging has been so far controlled)
My disorder is complex. My body changes size and shape several times throughout a year. My weight rises and falls. Sometimes I am thin, cold, tired, hungry. And sometimes I am of "average" weight. I sneak food. I consume enough food in one sitting, to make me feel physical discomfort.
I have figured out some of my triggers. When I am deeply depressed, feeling every emotion to the max, convinced that before I can apply for a job/ attend a social event/ go on a trip, I must first lose weight. So I do. And the more I lose, the more of my sanity is lose with it. I become utterly obsessed with weight loss and order and numbers and exercise and I am always moving always getting things done.
When I am stressed, when I feel like all hope is lost for loss, I gain. I numb my sadness with food, I do not think about numbers and I avoid that damned mirror at all costs. I hide in my room and do not leave the house unless it is necessary. Of course the weight gain makes me even more depressed, and it will get worse and worse until I end up restricting again.
My disorder is loss and gain. Madness and sadness. Order and chaos. There is nothing in between.
Replies
i am sorry you are hurting, i understand it...it will be okay, girlie, i promise
**soft hugs**
The only thing that has helped me with these kind of issues, is controlling that chaos in another, healthier way. I was restricting a lot and was \"too thin\", lacked energy and feelings, liveliness, etc. I started doing yoga and working out, and some energy and feeling came back, as did need for some food, but eating didn\'t feel so uncomfortable then because I was using the energy from food to work out, and I like the results of that. Not sure if that could help you at all, just my experience.
We are all wishing you well. There is wonderful support here. You can make changes. Reaching out is an excellent start. You deserve all the good things life has to offer. You are worth it!