ED problems
Today we still had Geo's dad's truck, and when we went to go run errands, the truck wouldn't start. We had to call his dad and wait for him to come to fix it. I don't know what they did to fix it, since I was lying down. I just didn't feel like doing much today. I just wanted to be in bed all day. I did manage to get my exercise in... I rode for 10 minutes on a bike and walked for 20 minutes. The walk was to the gym in the other apartment complex, where I rode the stationary bike that they have there. I was supposed to do more, but I didn't feel like it. My legs were hurting from the bike, and my arms still hurt from yesterday's workout on them. I'm glad, though, that my arms are sore. It lets me know that I worked them out hard like I wanted to. I'm trying to be sore the next day so I know I'm building muscle. This just gives me a reason why I'm not losing weight. I weighed in today, and I'm still at 225.5 pounds. I hope I don't get stuck there for a while. At least it's a lower weight to get stuck at. I'm trying to get to 222 pounds right now, because that would mean I've lost 30 pounds since last May. All because of Spark People.
I've had to fight, though.... ED wants to come back. I've been eating within my calorie range on Spark People to lose weight at a healthy speed, and I want to cut back on the calories like I was doing before my vacation to LA. I want to be eating 1,200 calories, even though I know it's not enough for my body. I should be eating about 1,450 to 1,800 a day. I consider it a good day now if I can eat only 1.300 calories. I know I need to be eating more, but I struggle sometimes. Today I said screw it and didn't do as much exercise as I should, and then also went to Taco Bell and had one of their meals. I tried to make up for it by eating a low calorie breakfast and dinner, so I'm still in my recommended range. I just feel like a pig for eating so much. Luckily I don't have the desire to purge, because I don't know what I would do if I started up with that again. I know people have been struggling with it, and I just know I can't do that to myself. I have to take care of my body and heart, and purging is way bad for your heart.
I have been battling this for ages it seems like. Just when I think I'm over it, something comes along and makes me battle it again. I think all the weight I gained in LA may have something to do with it. Even though I lost that weight, I still think that I gained a lot of fat. People at work have been telling me I'm still losing weight, and how skinny I am, and that just makes me more self-conscious. I feel pressure to lose even more so they can keep seeing me lose weight. I want to be an example, but I can't be doing that if I let ED get to me. If the women at work wanted to see how I was doing it, I would feel bad telling them that I'm only eating 1,200 calories a day. I know that's hard for most people. I have been eating more calories than that lately, and I've been more hungry because I was eating so much in LA. I was so self-conscious in LA that I was gaining weight. I also have been thinking what people think of me exercising. I didn't want people seeing me walk, especially not in LA where I couldn't walk that far.
Tomorrow I need to go for my long walk, at least 2 miles. I've been slacking off in my walking, and I need to get back in shape with it. I hope my legs aren't too sore tomorrow for my walk and that I have the energy to walk. If not, I may have to drink some coffee and get my butt in gear. I need to walk off some of these calories that I've been eating. I guess it's not too bad if I go under my calories if I'm not walking and burning off as many calories as I should be. I've just worked too hard to lose all this weight that I'm not going to let the little things distract me.
Food today was okay... I was in my calorie range, so that should be good, but I just don't feel like it's good enough. I feel I've eaten too much. Mood was okay... I was in bed most of the day napping and stuff since I slept like crap last night. I was able to fall asleep around 10:30, but I was up by midnight and I had to take 3 klonopin to get back to sleep, and that was around 3:30am. I then slept until 1pm. I could have slept longer, but Geo lay down, and I decided that I was going to try and stick with my plan of exercising before going to Taco Bell. I at least got that much done. Well, it's off to try and sleep again. Be here again tomorrow!
I've had to fight, though.... ED wants to come back. I've been eating within my calorie range on Spark People to lose weight at a healthy speed, and I want to cut back on the calories like I was doing before my vacation to LA. I want to be eating 1,200 calories, even though I know it's not enough for my body. I should be eating about 1,450 to 1,800 a day. I consider it a good day now if I can eat only 1.300 calories. I know I need to be eating more, but I struggle sometimes. Today I said screw it and didn't do as much exercise as I should, and then also went to Taco Bell and had one of their meals. I tried to make up for it by eating a low calorie breakfast and dinner, so I'm still in my recommended range. I just feel like a pig for eating so much. Luckily I don't have the desire to purge, because I don't know what I would do if I started up with that again. I know people have been struggling with it, and I just know I can't do that to myself. I have to take care of my body and heart, and purging is way bad for your heart.
I have been battling this for ages it seems like. Just when I think I'm over it, something comes along and makes me battle it again. I think all the weight I gained in LA may have something to do with it. Even though I lost that weight, I still think that I gained a lot of fat. People at work have been telling me I'm still losing weight, and how skinny I am, and that just makes me more self-conscious. I feel pressure to lose even more so they can keep seeing me lose weight. I want to be an example, but I can't be doing that if I let ED get to me. If the women at work wanted to see how I was doing it, I would feel bad telling them that I'm only eating 1,200 calories a day. I know that's hard for most people. I have been eating more calories than that lately, and I've been more hungry because I was eating so much in LA. I was so self-conscious in LA that I was gaining weight. I also have been thinking what people think of me exercising. I didn't want people seeing me walk, especially not in LA where I couldn't walk that far.
Tomorrow I need to go for my long walk, at least 2 miles. I've been slacking off in my walking, and I need to get back in shape with it. I hope my legs aren't too sore tomorrow for my walk and that I have the energy to walk. If not, I may have to drink some coffee and get my butt in gear. I need to walk off some of these calories that I've been eating. I guess it's not too bad if I go under my calories if I'm not walking and burning off as many calories as I should be. I've just worked too hard to lose all this weight that I'm not going to let the little things distract me.
Food today was okay... I was in my calorie range, so that should be good, but I just don't feel like it's good enough. I feel I've eaten too much. Mood was okay... I was in bed most of the day napping and stuff since I slept like crap last night. I was able to fall asleep around 10:30, but I was up by midnight and I had to take 3 klonopin to get back to sleep, and that was around 3:30am. I then slept until 1pm. I could have slept longer, but Geo lay down, and I decided that I was going to try and stick with my plan of exercising before going to Taco Bell. I at least got that much done. Well, it's off to try and sleep again. Be here again tomorrow!
Replies
Great journal. Now that you are back home you can get back into a schedule which is very helpful with getting the exercise done. And you already lost your vacation gain and now you can work at getting to your goal. I hope Geo is doing good with his weight plan and did not get too discouraged with his last weigh in.
it\'s wonderful that you lost the weight from vacation. you may stay the same weight for 1 week. dont\' stress about it. You didn\'t eat like a pig if you are still in your calorie range. However, you now may fuller than you are used to. (next time maybe leave something over and take it home?????(
Keep up your walking .. wish i could be doing it with you. can\'t wait to start exercising again. waiting for a bit more. So i am proud of you for working so hard.
it is awful to gain even on vacation but you lost it, be proud of that. what i may say you may take offensce, but none is meant. is it possible that you are having a hard time losing even when in your calorie range because of the chunk of time spent sleeping? this isnt going to burn thise calories, you may be in the right range, but that alone wont make the weight come off. i know you have trying hard with walking and strength, i just had a thought. if you want to walk more but cant, could you do it twice in a day, break up the time between. or walk and later ride the bike. it is hard and i realize it isnt always possible, the thought just came to me. when you get tired, wait a few hours and do some more, if time permits n the day. and NO to purging, as you say, you no the complications. ed is an evil creature and messes with us terribly, i wish there was a magic pill. many hugs and i hope your not angry with me.