ECT #9... Walk it Off
Number nine today... routine, again, except the doc had an appt that disrupted the sessions of ECTs. This led to a scrum of ECT patients for the early morning slots. No care was given for capacity ECT beds; just first come first served. So we got there 90 min early and was first in line to be shocked by the good doctor. But, I want to talk about something else; my wife has an attitude that all mental health issues can be resolved by ignoring the problem and getting over the "it." She has the belief that you can get over mental illness through will power alone. This has led to many arguments as you can imagine.
Replies
Of course it could. You know better Thor. Until she gets educated on this being an imbalance among the hundreds of brain chemicals, there is not likely to be a change. Reality is that I do not know a single person with PTSD or cPTSD who would have chosen this, or any of its many companions. We want it to just go away, but wishes are not realities. We, instead have to struggle with daily life and add all the things to restore balance and keep our toolboxes handy, when we cam reach for them. Family members do not always understand we are dealing with a chronic illness that one treatment does not fix. Yes, she wants you to return to the before all this man, but that doesn't just happen. Glad you came here for support. Hopeful hugs.
Some people honestly do not have the mental capacity to understand what someone with Mental Illness, especially serious Mental Illness like BiPolar Disorder has to deal with.....all the components, the coinciding yet competing symptoms, the constant medication changes and all those side effects, the ever-changing mental mind games for what your brain will let you do from one day or moment to the next and the completely insane challenge of having to fit in the "normie" world.
Some people just can't comprehend it and therefore don't even try, the compare it to a physical illness that you can just treat or fix and recover from. They treat it like a bad situation in life that you can deal with, process and then yes, just walk off and be okay. We all know its nowhere near that easy. Most would have to walk a day in our shoes to even begin to understand.
Most of our friends and families who support us or "understand us/accept us" for who we are and what we go through....don't really, they just don't judge us. They accept that we have a Mental Illness and it has its very serious issues and we're doing what we can to manage it and they support us through it....because unless you've lived it, you can't really understand it.
Your wife may be trying to rationalize out of fear or anger or whatever her issue is....what you need to remember is you're not wrong, you're doing the work to manage your Mental Illness and you're working damn hard to do so. This isn't just something you can "will away" and you know that, so don't let someone's irrational opinion convince you otherwise.
I may get slammed for this, but....we who have to go the extra mile of ECT are in a different club...its a different hellish challenge to go through 3 times a week, day in, day out. Going through anesthesia, dealing with the side effects, constantly worrying about what part of your brain you'll lose, what treatment might be with one that takes "you" away....Its hard as hell and its scary as hell and from the 1st treatment to the last, that never changes. Not knowing how long you have to do it and will it really work as much as you need and give you what you need back.
I'm sorry that your wife isn't supporting you more, because I know how important that is. I was separated when I went through ECT but my son and my MIL were there for me and very supportive....I'm not sure I would have been as willing to do it without them.
Take care and stay with hope and faith.
Kat
I am so glad that Kat could speak from experience of the current treatment. No slam from me, just a kudo to Kat for being able to share and support Thor through a treatment that I wish neither of you had to go through. Kat made it, and so shall you.
Thanks Simpson.
Thank you for your reply. I often do worry about what I am loosing with these treatments and I think that is one of her fears. But no matter how much you try can you can not walk away from mental illness. I have a cardiac problem and there was never a thought that I could walk away from that disease. Disappointed.
Hoping you and wife can talk about the fears, both yours and hers. Many people besides myself would prefer any answer to having to wait and see. You are in the process of healing, and so you are both having to wait and see where things will lead with no guarantees. I think your willingness and determination will win the game. Hugs.
It is born of ignorance..... Can you imagine all of these foolish physicians training for years for something that you could just snap out of??…. This is something that can be addressed though with your wife and doctor if you wanted to?
It might help for you to take her to a pdoc appt with you.... Tell the pdoc what your wife's opinion is and ask if he can give her some information to clarify what you're struggling to deal with and get under some control
Big hug... I know this must hurt a great deal... It may be fear as Simpson wrote..... She doesn't know how to help you.... I would let her know support is huge
Sometimes people don't seem to understand how invalidating and hurtful their words are with things said like 'just take a walk in the sun'.... Just smile etc....sigh...…. Another hug Thor.....xo
So ladies - how do I deal with violence? She has threatened violence for a long time; she made statements that I should be slapped silly, and sometimes I just wish that you did commit suicide. But today was actual physical contact in a violent fashion. I did not hit back, of course, but if she hits right at a breaking point for me, I might not be able to control myself. So how do I handle violence?
Thor, if this occurs again, you exit. Keep your keys where you can get them on the way out, and always have a change of clothes in the car. Use that military discipline to train your mind to automatically exit. It sounds like she is at the end of her rope. If you feel this is likely to happen again, you may need to consider leaving now, with the condition of your return being that the two of you go to marriage counselling. I am only suggesting that as you did state your fear of losing control. Understandable as part of your training was to respond with force to an attack. Another option is to share this concern with her and be clear that this can not happen again for the reason you stated. Just my thoughts on the situation. Calming hugs as you consider your options.
Yes, if she's violent then you have to walk away. We can't always be in control of our reactions/emotions when we're in a bad place... Removing yourself from the situation is the best thing to do.
I hate to state the obvious, but it seems like y'alls relationship is getting worse, is she willing to do any kind of counseling or couples therapy? Its not just 1 person in a marriage that turns it into a bad situation....ever. It may get to a point where you have to decide whether this is the right situation for you to stay in....its not something you can do out of guilt. What she's doing is absolutely not okay.